Getting married next week

Knightmeir · #1 04-08-2005, 01:54 PM

So yeah... I met this girl on the 28th of January... and we haven't been apart for a day since. A lot of people keep telling me I'm moving too fast, but I have to say something about that... Love does not equal Time.

I was married once before, and I glance occasionally over my shoulder here at work to worship the divorce paperwork I have framed on the wall. I learned a lot from being married to the last one, and even though I had waited to marry her, it didn't do me any good. After I moved out, I started dating again, and I did a lot of screwing around. I have to say, it wasn't as fulfilling as I thought it would be. It's nothing I regret, but it didn't have any life-changing effect on me, othe than the fact I won't have the "what if" question lingering in my head anymore. I already had the rebound girlfriend after the marriage, and that was definitely good for me. She gave me the opportunity to say "to hell with it all" and I just decided to not care about anything anymore. I didn't care to get into anything serious ever again.

People change, no matter what. There are many people out there that will hide things. Looking back I found that I was never comfortable with her. I never felt like I could be myself, I always had to hold back. I couldn't say what I wanted to say because I didn't want to deal with her getting pissed off at me over stupid things. If I tried to touch her or anything, she'd push me away because she didn't like affection.

The girl I'm with now is perfect. I fell in love with her immediately. I am myself around her, and she is the same with me. She's open about everything in her life ,as I am with her. I don't feel like I have to hide who I am (I have a VERY sick sense of humor that offends a lot of people). The most important thing of all, is that she allows me to show her affection. Not only that, but she doesn't mind my love for guitar. I can play whenever I want without complaints.

Believe it or not, I met her on hotornot.com. She had a picture up there (obviously) and to be honest, I could have cared less about meeting her. It wasn't clear enough and the angle sucked. Turns out she's beautiful. Anyway, I had gotten back from New York (long drive) on the 27th of January, and was on base the next day visiting a friend. We had sent a couple emails back and forth, just small talk, and she decided to call me. We met up that afternoon, stood in the freezing rain for two hours talking, and I just knew right away she was right.

We set a date a couple weeks ago... and we're getting married on the 16th of April. Life has a lot of unexpected turns in it. I am still floored about all of this. I never saw it coming, and I can't be happier. I have to say the best things in life are things you just don't see coming.

Sorry about the long post... just wanted to share : )

slowcmfrtablscrw · #2 04-08-2005, 02:14 PM

Dude, both of you are moving way too fast. I guess you're as screwed up and co-dependant as I am, or worse. I'm not trying to sound like a smart ass, but getting married and you first met her 2 months ago?

I'm glad for your new found happiness, hope it lasts

Jeremy

megadeth · #3 04-08-2005, 02:32 PM

thanks for sharing !!! also...an interesting one... CONGRATS !!! and best of luck.

tone_connoisseur · #4 04-08-2005, 02:48 PM

Dude, you're not moving too fast at all. If it feels right, go with it!! Remember the olden days, hearing about how couples met and within weeks they got married. And they're still together to this day, after 50+ years.

My opinion is, "when you know, you know". Not one can dictate if you're moving to fast or not, so don't listen to anyone. You're the only one who knows how you feel. What I'd give to find a love like that...

Peace, and good luck bro! But it doesn't sound like you'll be needing luck. Get married and enjoy being together!!

bammbamm · #5 04-08-2005, 03:36 PM

I'm not being a negative guy, but wasn't your 1st one like this too?
You should probably find more about each other and spend at least year doing it.
If you're right for one another, why rush?
If you aren't ,then you have 2 divorces under your belt.

Bamm

fettouhi · #6 04-08-2005, 03:44 PM

Best of luck to the both of you

and of course congratz.

Regards

André

**jemsite** · #7 04-08-2005, 03:53 PM

i don't see the point of rushing myself. i also don't see the point of getting married if you're not looking to raise a family in the near future... but that said best of luck & wishing you guys lots of happiness

... glen

shredmaster · #8 04-08-2005, 04:05 PM

if you know i guess you know. there are people who think they know but really don't, or they do....and the other person changes. it's confusing. i know a couple who decided to get married after the first date! still together after 30 years! and people who waited 10 years and got divorced after 2 years! too many variables. if you feel you want to get married then great and good luck.

whatshisname · #9 04-08-2005, 04:07 PM

Wow, that does seem fast! But, I'll spare you... Regardless, my best to you, and I hope you have a long happy life together!

Knightmeir · #10 04-08-2005, 04:46 PM

Nah Bamm... the first one I was with for a year and a half before we got married. She turned out to be an alcoholic, but of course I didn't find out until we were married... you know the usual - finding bottles of vodka hidden all over the house.... your wife getting drunk in front of all your friends and announcing the fact she mounted 5 guys in 4 days once (Gosh, I hope she breaks that record now that I've set her free). I knew it wasn't going to work when I got married to her. However, I had the belief that I could make things work if I tried hard enough. I ended up burning myself out and becoming violently bitter. This time around, I KNOW, not think, I KNOW she is the right one for me. I love everything about her. I don't feel like there's something that needs to change in either of us. We fit together perfectly (you pervs). Neither of us have to work at the relationship. It's just natural for us to be together. It has been right from the beginning.

Like I said, time does not equal love. I'm the type of person that if I'm going to be there with someone, I'm going to be there all the way. As for "rushing..." that's a line of BS. One of my coworkers has been married for 25 years. He married his wife within a month after meeting her, and he's as happy as the day he met her. Same situation as me, recently divorced, and she had a kid from a previous marriage. In my experience, waiting doesn't mean a thing. Love, and the right gut feeling is what counts, and that's always worked for me. The bad marriage taught me a lot about what to watch out for, so I'm clear : D

As for starting a family... she has a 2 year old son, and we are already planning on having one next year.

VanWyck · #11 04-10-2005, 02:20 PM

Congratulations. I wish you happiness.

May the sum of your previous experiences guide you in making future decisions.

JESTER700 · #12 04-10-2005, 10:17 PM

I'm with those who think it's a bit fast, but that doesn't mean it won't work - as you say, time is no guarantee. Time DOES allow you more opportunity to find out if she is the woman you THINK she is. For now, at least - again, as you say, people change...

But you may be lucky this time and everything is as it seems. May you be happy, brother.

I started dating my wife 6 months after meeting her (she had to break up with her boyfriend first). We moved in a month later, and were married 9 months later (that number's a coincidence - no kids were involved! ;-) ). This June marks anniversary # 13. Some say we were fast, so I guess that's ALL a matter of opinion.

Koss · #13 04-10-2005, 10:43 PM

Pre-nup. Even if you were seeing each other for 10 years before getting married, i would always recommend getting a pre-nup. Its not affensive toask them to sign one, or atleast it shouldnt be. And there isnt any harm in having it.

Oh and congrats. I dont think you moved too fast, if it feels right then go for it I say....

.....Pre-nup

microdmitry · #14 04-10-2005, 11:41 PM

I'm sorry, but IMHO askind your wife to be to sign a prenup is like spitting in her face. It's like "I want free sex and dinner every evening, but in case everything gets screwed up I want my (former) wife and kids to live under the bridge". If you don't trust her, don't marry her. If you do, then what's the point in signing the agreement?

Having said that, I spent about 3 years dating my wife and we lived together for about 9 months before marriage, so by the time we married I knew her pretty well. I would advise strongly to consider just living together for a while without forming a family.

Koss · #15 04-11-2005, 12:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by microdmitry

I'm sorry, but IMHO askind your wife to be to sign a prenup is like spitting in her face. It's like "I want free sex and dinner every evening, but in case everything gets screwed up I want my (former) wife and kids to live under the bridge".

So with marrige, what your saying here is the woman and kids have to depend on the father in order to survive. Pretty primative thinking IMHO.

Anyway, prenups dont make it so that the woman gets nothing and the man gets everything. It serves to work it out beforehand if god forbid, it doesnt work out. Its in both the hsbands and wifes best intereset to get one, unless one or the other is a stay at home parent (if kids are even involved) His wife shouldnt have a problem with getting one if she sees it lasting.