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I am a strange, hypocritical person

5K views 58 replies 24 participants last post by  JJEMMER777 
#1 ·
I'm 17 years old, and I have a head full of confusion. There are some things about me that confuse me. I'd like to share my weird feelings with you all, and maybe some of you can help me make some sense out of it. Here goes...
My girlfriend and I have been together for 2 years, and I love her to death. I am a fairly liberal musician, though I have some conservative thoughts like if you're going to do something, do it well...blah blah, very grandfather type stuff. But she is a VERY liberal rebellious person...the way she's been brought has assured this. She's had very little family love/compassion her entire life, and finally last year she became quite a partier/pothead. I made her cool down, and she introduced me to marijuana, which I thoroughly enjoy from time to time. She writes fantastic, funny, witty, satirical short stories and poems. Like I said, I love her to death. Our relationship is very mature for our age and I can honestly see us getting married one day. But here's the weird part...
On the topic of her very liberal, rebellious nature, she sometimes pisses me off, even though I might agree with her on a given subject. Or maybe reading the poetry she wrote when she was stoned makes me mad, or thinking of when she was a big pothead. It ENRAGES me for some reason, even though we agree on alot of things and I enjoy the wacky tobacky from time to time myself. She's heading off to college next year (I'll be senior in high school) and I'm paranoid that she's going to party a crap load and become and bum and get raped or something, even though I know her will is very strong. She is determined to not suck like her mom and works VERY hard, but I have this constant paranoia about her for no reason. I hope you, so far, understand.
I understand why thinking back to her pothead days makes me mad, because she was spending a lot of time with a bunch of shady dudes (I'm also a very jealous guy...if I see her talking to another man, I get mildly upset, though I've learned to suppress it) and I was scared for her well-being. But getting mad at her satirical poetry or ideas is weird because I agree with her. Another very odd example is that we watched "The Doors" movie a couple nights ago...I was telling her how it was getting me in the mood to try shrooms and she was telling me that it was a dumb idea. Today she was at work and it was slow and she finished the movie, called me, and said that she was in the mood to smoke, and I got mad! Which of course made me mad at myself. I wasn't outwardly mad at her, I just agreed with what she was saying. The thought of her partying with other people upsets me too.
She is sort of into that Zen/Buddha style hippie thing and I'm not, which is cool, but she writes alot about that stuff and reading it upsets me. These are all just examples of what it's like, and no, my life isn't drugs...just alot of these examples pertain to them. It's not totally serious, though I'm making it sound like it is; it doesn't consume me. It's just mildly annoying. I've gotten alot better at accepting her hippie ways, and I'm starting to mimic some of them.
The bottom line is that I get angry at some things that I agree with. What the hell?
smitty
 
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#3 ·
+1. My old housemate smoked way too much and started having these hissy fits. He was convinced I thought he was stupid (which I didn't). It was bizarre. There is also the possibility that you're just insane :)

Anyway be ready for some mix-up next year - many relationships can't handle the "going away to uni" separation. Just a heads up.
 
#5 ·
You're young yet so don't think that you have to know everything because you never will...

You'll get older and know more, but never everything...

I trust my wife, so when she wants to go out...I don't care...because I trust her. Jealousy only rears it's head when there is no trust or very little of it...

plus, we have 4 children so if she cheats she'll get full custody...:D
 
#6 ·
dude

your relationship is as solid as top ramen
your still so young and girls that young, well let me tell you she probably doesnt take you seriously and knows shes going off to college and all ties are cut, you know cut your losses and move on....

if i were you id shape up and ride it while it lasts....and as for her going off to college and you not being there, just expect nothing and the worst too....college is a mess, and girls get taken advantage of. and girls place themselves in that position. and for your understanding that shes a partier, its just addict behavior. and you are her crutch

once she goes to college and thinks nobody is looking over her shoulder(like you have been with toning her down), shes going to party hard with the next guy who gets her trashed and the rest is easy to fill in....

and as for if she was your gf and she hangs out with those dude becasue SHE wants to, and if it bothers you she wouldnt do it if she really cared...
man ive dated a bunch of gals, and i realised this is a fairty tale i know too well, just how you described it

and those guys, well you know what they want

man, have a great time, but girls...well college is whee they draw the line...how many relationships last through college...ya know?? how many of her HS friends will she have after college..?? get the hintorino

ps im not trying to be cruel i just think you are young and soo much more to look forward than to try to control this gal whom you are concerned about....shes obviously addict material, i used be be a bad addict, i sepnt alot of time and ive met alot of addict people.

take care dude
 
#8 ·
im not into drugs but years ago i smoked dope,and a mate of mine asked me to try these mushrooms STAY WELL CLEAR OF THEM i had 50,its just mass paranoia i was stoned for weeks flashbacks for months n months i thought i was going really mad.dont do it mate its not a relaxing buzz like dope it really puts your head in the bin.like i said im not a druggy just a stupid thing i did when i was younger.speaking of poets william wordsworth used to eat these mushrooms while writing poetry (fool).
 
#23 ·
Sounds like you had a bad trip, man!
It's a weird choice of whether or not I'll try those. I've heard a few bad stories, like yours, and a bunch of great things. If I do, which I'm still deciding (It's freakin expensive!) it's a one time thing, definitely.
smitty
 
#10 ·
#1...If your a jealous type of guy...You need to fix that crap. That will do nothing but ruin even a good relationship. She's going off to college, her being liberal and all....What do you think she's going to do, tuck her self away in her dorm room and study whilst gazing at pictures of you???? She's going to party her ASS off at college. Just like you will if you go. This is the entire "trust" part of the relationship....Do you trust her and maybe get burned? Or do you constantly worry about what's going on while your not around? See though, when it all comes down to it, college isn't the problem, it's your relationship with her because if your asking yourself these questions, there is obviously a lack of trust, and in order for there to be some sort of "lack of trust thing" then she's no doubt done some things to question your trust in her....It's not a "liberal vs. conservative" thing at all. I know plenty of conservative women who behind closed doors would make the best of liberals blush. I think maybe your getting that confused with something else. This is what happens, to a lot of people, throughout the entire world...sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't. It's all a part of getting older. Rarely does a relationship work going from HS to college. You meet A LOT of new people. Throw crap like dope into the mix and you start meeting A LOT of new, BAD people. This isn't something that is suppose to make you all worried and possesive, I'm just filling you in on what (in my experience) can, and does happen. Sure you guys might get married, you might not. Dude your still in HS.....Marriage and relationships should be the furthest thing from your mind. Take care of YOU, get your **** together so you can further your education, get a great job doing the things YOU want to do in life. I have yet to come across someone who made it through life and owed his success to some girl he humped on for 2 years through HS.......Just my two bits......
 
#13 ·
True love doesn't involve controlling some-one! If you feel you can't trust her then she isn't the one for you. If you can't handle her past then those are your issues, she can't change what she's done and who she's been. If she can't be commited to you then you deserve better.
Enjoy what you have for now, don't let things screw your life and when the time comes be prepared to move on. Sure....it'll hurt for a while, that's the down side of having feelings!!!
Lifes journey will have many twists and turns! Some moments you'll never want to end.....some seem un-ending no matter how quickly you wish they would.

Learn to be strong NOW......coz life gets waaaay more confusing :wink:
 
#15 ·
True love doesn't involve controlling some-one! If you feel you can't trust her then she isn't the one for you.
I'm not sure about that mate. I think you can be truely in love but not trust the other person. Basically it comes down to problems with your own insecurity, which manifests itself by mistrust of others. Unfortunately this will only end in one way, misery! I myself was madly in love with this girl years ago, but like a fool lost her through my insecurities and not trusting her :(

Smitty, all I can say it enjoy life and if you are meant to be together, her going to college will not ultimately be a problem. Plus you are still young and in my experience to find someone who you're going to spend the rest of your life with at that age is rare.
As Andy say's if it doesn't work out, sure they'll be some hurt but as the saying goes, there's plenty of fish in the sea ;)
 
#14 ·
Andy's right.

To the thread starter, dude, you're 17. I was banging as many ladies as I could back then, and I'm glad I did. If you were 35, I could maybe understand your post. You will know when you meet the right woman. I've been through the relationships where there was no trust, I spent well over 10 years doing that and I know how much it sucks, but when you meet the right girl, you will know.
 
#18 ·
Make sure you get a "severance pop" before you cut her loose. Smitty, you're young and marriage should the last thing on your mind. At your age, like Dee said, you should be having fun and not worrying about whether or not she'll be with you forever.

If there's one solid piece of advice I can give you, it would be to stop being jealous and overprotective. Women find jealousy a complete turnoff and, instead, they like confidence.

Jimmy:smile:
 
#21 ·
dude jelousy is a term for ignorance basicaly
if you love a babe and she loves you
you dwont be jelous
if she knows something makes u uncomfortable, the girl wont do it, just like hwen ur lady doesnt like it when u wear shoes in the house
i bet you take em off every time right..

if a girl makes u jelous she most likely doing it for fun, to see a rise in you
wich is not fair, cuz no matter how good the relationship is girls can do it only bevcasue they are addicted to chaos, and need it in a relationship to function....

being jelous is also like a disease
i let my gf go out with her gal friends, or do whatever, i dont even ask, i just wonder what time shes home, but ive seen and heard about her in public situations, my gf kicks guys in the balls if they dont f off, shell strait up break a beer bottle and run at someone if she doesnt like them

now its extreme, but most folk get he point when she rude, for instance she can ignore someone like here no tomorow, and peple get a hint

if your getting jelous, then most likely shes getting u jelous for sure on purpose.

and as for hanging with those dude, she just wants to get high and party, and who knows where shes gone from those situations, at her age all girls wana do is experience as much different **** as they want....i mean not to be a tottal dick, im just saying....girls are wild..and when i was in hs, everytime a girl i was into went to hang with shady guys, i never talked to her again cuz i knew what was up, she wanted to smoke some weed, some wome white and party..and what do you think happens when chicks party...they get all wet and happy.....anyways fellow

just more on, pop it while its hot, and when it drive u nuts, let it go and pop her sister, that a better feeling than you think:)
 
#22 · (Edited)
Hey woah! You guys have gotten the wrong ideas here...
Thank you all for the posts, but let me clear some things up. And REMEMBER, the partying thing is JUST AN EXAMPLE!
1) She is no longer a ridiculous partier. She's way past that and views that part of her life as a stupid phase she had to get through. She's sort of hippie-ish and enjoys the plant every so often, as do I.
2) This isn't a thread asking how to get rid of her! That is definitely not the point. I know I'm only 17, as you have all made clear, but we are very much in love, not in a sappy, unrealistic way. She knows I may go off to Boston, but we have committed ourselves to each other. I can trust her. She can trust me. You guys have gotten this idea that we have a bad, strained relationship. Quite the contrary; for two years we've been very in love, and never had a strain except during her "phase." We argue sometimes like we're married, I can piss with the door open, and we've both accepted that we both go #2. :D In all seriousness though, we have a great relationship, and we can both see it lasting a long time. She is not the BS-ing type; if she has a problem with something or someone, she speaks her mind. I totally trust her. The thing about being jealous around dudes pertains to the part after these numbers: I'm just oddly jealous of whenever she talks to one of her dude friends. Not jealous actually...jealous is the wrong word. I'm protective. I wanna beat his ass for talking to her. But then again, like I said in the first post, I've gotten a lot better and a lot more sane. I mean come on, I have a chick friends. I don't really get protective anymore unless I can tell he's hitting on her (which means he is probably not her friend...her co-workers hit on her a lot) and then either she tells him to go away, fetches me if he won't, and my favorite, I fetch myself and make him leave :D
3) We have a lot of trust in our relationship. Trust is not the problem (anymore). She has done some things in the past, that "phase," that made me question my trust in her. But she's regained it. She is very smart (above perfect GPA) and sensible and responsible, and I trust that she won't hang with any shady people nowadays or at college.
4) The college she's going to is in Bloomington, IN (IU) and I live in Noblesville. I can see her alot (I'll be a senior next year). College isn't the problem. When she parties, I go with her most of the time. She's told me she wants me to come party with her, etc. We haven't partied without the other since her "phase." Also, partying isn't a big deal in our lives, just a rare, fun occurence! This is just the example of the thread. Read on and you'll understand.
5) She comes from a rough, poor, abusive family. She definitely isn't the rich partier girl you're making her out to be. She has two nearly full time jobs, in addition to school, to help make ends meet. Her rebellious "phase" was just letting some steam go and trying new things that she was pressured to try, but she's tried them and isn't very interested anymore, they're just fun. I generally join her.

SO

The thread was about my odd hypocritical tendencies. I'm basically explaining them, just trying to make some sense of them. I'll try and make this short and clear:
We'll just keep this partying example going. When we party together, no problem. When I talk of partying, or in the rare instance of me partying without her, no problem. When she talks of partying, or in the rare instance of her partying without me, I get internally angry at the fact that she's doing that. Nothing serious, but weird. Sort of like another personality getting mad at it and my normal personality fighting this new one and saying "why are you getting mad? You (meaning me) do it too!"
Understand? It's not huge, doesn't control my life, it's just annoying. I thought I might share it with you guys and try and make some sense out of it; I'm completely and utterly confused as to why I do that.
I hope this makes sense now. As I said in the first post, my girlfriend and the partying is just one example; this happens with a few other things, with a few other people.
smitty
 
#25 ·
I know I'm only 17, as you have all made clear, but we are very much in love, not in a sappy, unrealistic way.
Dude, you're in for a long ride. All of us were here. And we've been through it multiple times since. I would still say the same thing if you were telling me you were 21. Trust me, things are gonna change.

I'm not going to get into all of the little things I see about your relationship that I can either relate to, or have seen in some other form or fashion. You both are going to go through a lot of changes, and the only advice I can give you is to be confident, keep your head up, and try to go down the right path for yourself. You're just starting to scratch the surface, life as a young adult.
 
#24 ·
dude there is nothing you can do when she goes to college, hold on and brace for impact!

does anyone here hear an echo from maybe ten years ago, shed some light on yourselves at age 17..??

this seems too typical...hey man, rock it while its hot, when she goes to college - things will change, and what you have with her now, you probably wont have later
 
#26 ·
hey i used to pop tons of shrooms
and i think everyone here with that experience can agree you would not be alive if you injested 50 shrooms, wich is probably over an ounce, and the going rate for an ounce in california if u buy more than a quarter pound is 70 per ounce, and the going rate of an ounce by itself is 160

im confused, if you ate 50, how are you still alive
 
#45 ·
i didnt eat them.my mate boiled them in a pan then i drank the juice,i know someone who ate 1500 mushrooms yes 1500,he ended up in a mental hospital for 4 years,hes still paraniod today.why do you buy them ?? my mate used to pick them in the countryside.anyways horrible things if you ask me MAGIC there anything but.
 
#27 ·
o btw, if you are refering to a 50 sack, im curious what it was....in cali a 8th(minumin dose for a rookie) is 20 bux or less usually like 15.....so how much did u eat...still if u had like two 8ths it would be intense, even more if u had any more id see why u were freaked out, but anything near 3 8ths is almost imposible to eat without being dead by the time you are done

shrroms are a intense fungus and are actually poisonus, if you eat a little bit youll actually get poisoned, if u eat enough the physlocibyn will kick in and the poisoned feling goes away, if you eat too many - stop goes ur heart if u dont puke it up
 
#47 ·
Every experience with women has bad areas, that's just a fact.

Rotti, you edited a little too soon, and I hope that you were kidding. That's a little unrealistic, bud. I seriously doubt she's going to be sleeping with other dudes.
This thread is now pointless. You've all succeeded in worrying me to death over how she's going to bang every dude in sight. Thanks.
My request is still unanswered. Close up the thread and delete it, please.
smitty
What else is there to do in college when you have the freedom to do whatever you want?

You've completely missed the point of everyone's answers Smitty. No one is passing judgement on your gf or you but, what everyone is trying to point out to you is the fact that you think things are going to go one way and how you believe you're in love and have a solid relationship that can last a lifetime simply because you can watch each other pee.

The fact is that reality is going to give you a nice bite in the rear and slap you in the face when you find out she's been seeing some guy on the side while you two were still "in love", according to you. Same goes for you.... you will meet girls and you might be put into situations that most of us here wouldn't walk away from (USE YOUR IMAGINATION HERE). Now, whether or not, you act upon them, that's on you "playa playa" :wink:

The fact that she'll be going to college while you're still in high school will be a slap in the face enough for you reality wise. Here's an example. You will go to parties and gatherings with her a couple or maybe a few times and then one day you'll open your mouth once or maybe twice at said gathering and that will be the last time you're invited. Why? because people in college don't really associate with high schoolers. It would be the same thing as saying that you were hanging out with girls that were in middle school.

Jimmy:smile:
 
#30 ·
Hey if you told us a story about how you climbed mountains but felt weird about wearing mountain boots, and didn't like heights, but loved climbing mountains and once in a while climbed while smoking, but hated the cold air and felt ambivalent about the thin air, but loved back packs, and had a fondness for rope just not swinging/hanging from them...all this and you weren't looking for advice but wanted to communicate to us just how hypocritical you were when it came to mountains...

We would all still say the same things!! That's what older dudes do when younger guys tell stories like that...
 
#31 · (Edited)
You need to print everything you typed and make a time capsule. Don't open it until you turn 20. Thats just 3 years away.

You are gonna freak when you realize how much your life has changed, and how much SHE has changed.

When she starts college, her mind is gonna open up like a pinata on Cinco de Mayo. And all of the ways she may have thought of the world are gonna fall out.

You, my friend, had better get ready for a wild and trippy ride. There's a lot of bumps and some of the people who started the ride with you are gonna fall off. Some of the friends you have in High School are gonna disapear,and what is left will be you true friends.

I hope everything works out with your girl. And don't say "I dont have problems", we all have a significant other in our lives. So trust me when I say, with "Significant Others" come problems.
 
#33 ·
Rotti, you edited a little too soon, and I hope that you were kidding. That's a little unrealistic, bud. I seriously doubt she's going to be sleeping with other dudes.
This thread is now pointless. You've all succeeded in worrying me to death over how she's going to bang every dude in sight. Thanks.
My request is still unanswered. Close up the thread and delete it, please.
smitty
 
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