Musician Jokes

[ET Guitars]

So today is the birthday of a buddy of mine from college. He is a drummer. His birthday really should have been April 1st...

I fondly remember an email he sent me a while back. It went like this,

"Subject: A suggestion from one muso to another.

Dearest ET guitars,

Just found your website and loved it. I think it has too much emphasis on
guitars though. Let me know when you start getting into drum kits.

Yours in Noise,
Red Wool (Skins)"


Anyway, the only drum related thing I could offer him was my collection of drummer jokes.

So in Red Wool's honour, I would like everyone's help in creating the most definitive collection of drummer jokes ever. Actually.... why should drummers get all the glory! Let's have jokes for all musicians, surely bass players must have many... and lets have a laugh at ourselves with the guitarist jokes.

Let me start with a few...

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What do you call a drummer with half a brain?
Gifted.

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What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A drummer.

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What did the drummer get on his IQ test?
Drool.

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Why do bands have bass players?
To translate for the drummer.

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Did you hear about the bass player who locked his keys in the car?
He had to break a window to get the drummer out.

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Two cowboys were waiting in their fort for the Indians to attack. They
listened to the distant pounding war drums.
One cowboy muttered to the other, "I don't like the sound of them drums."
Just then, a distant voice came over the hill, "It's not our usual drummer!"

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How do you know when a drummer is knocking at your door?
The knock always slows down.

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How do you get a drummer to play an accelerando?
Ask him to play in 4/4 at a steady 120 bpm.

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How do you know if a drummer's platform is level?
The drool comes out of both sides of his mouth.

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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
Five. One to change it, and the other four to stand around and talk about how much better John Bonham would have done it!

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Como saber si hay un baterista en la puerta?
Porque no sabe cuando entrar.

In English: How do you know there's a drummer at the door?

Because he doesn't know when to enter.

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Q:How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
A:100: 1 to hold the light bulb and 99 to drink until the room spins.

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Q. Did you ever hear about the drummer who finished high school?
No.

A. Me neither!

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A guy walks into a shop.
"You got one of them Marshall Hiwatt AC30 amplificatior thingies and a Gobson
StratoBlaster geetar with a Fried Rose tremulo?"

"You're a drummer, aren't you?"

"Duh, yeah. How'd you know?"

"This is a travel agency."

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Q: Why is a drum machine better than a drummer?
A: Because it can keep a steady beat and won't sleep with your girlfriend.

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What do you call a drummer with more than one brain cell?
Pregnant.

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OK, enough from me, lets have some from you guys...

Cheers,
ET

[Wild_Child]

I got a few...

What's the Difference between a bassist and a Duracell battery?

A Duracell battery has a good life.

How many bassists does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, the keyboard player can do it all with his left hand.

Why do bassists leave their cases on the dashboard?

So they can park in the disabled spaces.

[shreddersymphony]

I've said it in another thread and its worth mentionin' here as well, this is a great one to shock people and see whose mind is in the gutter. Make sure youre in mixed company and then calmly tell em the story about how you one day "broke a G string while fingering a minor". Allow chaos to ensue

[Mindcrime1204]

Hah, my G string was so full of crud and gunk until I changed it.

[dickieboy]

we're getting to my level now.. the only musician joke (not drummer)that springs to my mind is.. the guy with the lisp who rubbed the geenie's lamp and wished for a 12" penis, and got a foot tall piano player..

[Rachmaninoff]

I do love drummer jokes
LMAO

[ScottB]

This thread dates back a few years...

http://www.jemsite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=10024

[jim777]

Let's go there