reflecting (not the mirror kind)

[texshred777]

I was just sitting here, it's almost six in the morning(central), I was just thinking about everything; life I guess. I got to thinking about all the 'stages' so to speak of my life and all the songs and 'soundtracks' if you will of defining moments in my life. It's just that no matter what I do I am always a musician at heart, and all the rythms and tones and phrasing of my memories are all linked to the music I've made, heard, intellectually composed etc. There are literally songs that are too painful/happy to stand sometimes. What's strange, is that one of my favorite times in life, a mere 10 months has probably had the biggest effect on my life. (apart from the obvious things such as marriage and reproduction, which are indeed an entirely separate thread and reflection altogether) I've spent time and life as a guitarist and as a percussionist. As an instrumentalist in a jazz/rock idiom and in a marching/drumline type of place as well. I can't really say which is more 'defined' as an identity because they both have such a strong place in my heart. I've always had more of a talent in percussion, as a snare player more specifically. I started the summer before(may) my junior year and by february of my junior year I was playing college/drum corps level. I'm not trying to brag or anything, please dont misinterpret me, I'm just talking(kind of) and then there's the guitar. A much more expensive, self indulgent, and altogether diverse passion. Whereas my sense of rythm and precise interperetation of a specific technique with the snare drum was with little/no help highly developed, the guitar was not so. I took to it with little trouble, and after large amounts of time/money and love spent on it I thought I was happy. I was playing in different situations (mostly jazz fusion) and had a great tone/technique (thanks ibanez 3120/ rivera tbr 1-sl!) I found one day that it was all rather...well, i dont know. Let's just say it just wasn't. I always found that there was always a very indescribable thing missing from my music, and life. I (literally) wasted relationships (friend and romantic) in some selfish search for something, I didn't even know what it was. Was it a sound, a tone, a phrase, a concept, an intellectual gap, WHATEVER that separated me from the completeness I heard in such greats as Vai, Zappa, Beck, Miles Davis , Scoffield, etc etc etc. I never found what it was. I just on a whim sold all my gear one day (including some very cheap deals on such items as a 535q wah *you know who you are! ) I just felt a desire to purge myself of everything. It was like waking up to a very bittersweat dream one day, to realise it wasn't actually a dream, more of a lie. I found that I'll always love the guitar and playing the guitar, but I'll never be anything more than a great copy of a great song. Like, the best cover of little wing without the capacity to make it my own,(stevie ray made it his own). Maybe it comes down to whatever artistic component in my mind/heart/soul/all the above was unplugged or it was just a program that will always say access denied. I don't know what I'm really getting at..nothing I suppose. Just bored and not tired. I don't know at this point if I'll ever pursue music(guitar music) in the future, I plan on writing teaching indoor drumline music and drill(wgi baby!) And I have a happiness in this arena(no pun intended) but always a dissapointment that maybe I'm not meant to be more than a cliche artist (another rip off ) I realise a lot of musicians are happy with this, but it's just some ingrown revulsion to mediocrity I just can't stand. I realise this entire ranting is without point and really very trite, but as I said I'm just thinking while I'm bored. I don't expect anyone to really care or respond. I realise that it's all very cliche in the end, but that's why I thought I'd write it anyway.

[shredmaster]

makes sense to me. a lot of people went through this that i know of. i started sacrificing guitar time when film and audio and photography crept back into my life. i just don't have the time with a day job of 50 hours a week minimum and constant video production and editing in the evenings. at least it's my biz and i work out of the home so i can be with family thank God. the time i have left is with family and friends or house stuff. at times i have an hour here and there and i pick it up and play. when things calm down i can play more but it's not like it used to be and that is hard to deal with at times.

[bammbamm]

No to detract from the marching band/ drum corps thing, but aren't those just cover songs too, only a different format?

If you gave it up because you needed to, that is one thing, but sometimes a person gets into a rutt, without some inspiration, we stagnate and grow tired of playing, buying, ammassing all the gear and goodies. I am dealing with just such a scenario now.
Come home from a full time+ job after driving at least an hour in crappy rush hour traffic, spend time with my sons, spend time with the wife, eat dinner, clean up and bathe the kids and put 'em to bed, and go to bed an hour or 2 after. I can't play at any real volume as my studio is next door to their room, and obviously it isn't all that satisfying to jam to a headphone amp and CD player. And if I ignore the wife too much, that causes an obvious strain. Sadly, I'm lacking the time I can spend playing/ practicing, and about every other week I think about selling off my stuff and taking up building a car for fun instead, only I wouldn't have time for that either.

I'm noticing a definate decline in my chops from not playing, so that perpetuates the cycle. I entered the Guitarmaggeddon contest here in Chicago and didn't make it past the 1st round, I had stage fright and felt like I was having a heart attack.
So much for all the years of playing out in front of people. (I would have won it too, everyone else pretty much sucked)

As I think about what you wrote, I can't help but empathize, yet think that sooner or later, I'll have some time back to play. I've no delusions of getting famous, but I have copyrighted songs that I have written for me, my family, etc, that all have special meaning, and I do play to my boys at bedtime from time to time, which they both enjoy. (me too)

To finalize, I guess it just depends on what you want out of guitar.
Is it a hobby?
A passion?
Past time?
Or is it some sort of drain on your wallet with no hopes of recovery?

Once you define your position, I think your descision will be easier.

Best wishes,

Bamm

[jemsite]

good thread, but paragraph breaks in the initial post would be great

if being a musician is non-profitable AND no longer fun, then ultimately it's work and a chore and will be phased out as you age and mature. i don't see the big deal.. glen

[jay ratkowski]

To re-itterate bam's post... you really need to define your goals if being a musician is to be such an important part of your life. If you expect to be some world changing musician, you must work incredibly hard to get out of your house and play and become great. If you just want to play and be fairly good and enjoy music as a pasttime, then you must stop fretting over the success of people like Vai or Clapton or whoever. Without clearly defined goals, our lives are meaningless (for the most part). Also, if we have a goal but make no forward steps towards obtaining that goal, we will still remain unhappy. Even if your goals are way beyond your reach, if you keep working hard towards those goals, you'll likely have a lot of fun along the way.

[shredmaster]

Bamm, when was that guitarmageddon thing? i would have loved to see you up there man! damn, i missed it again this year?! i actually got into that maybe 4 years ago. i was nervous too. i got it on video somewhere. i had to go on first and that was not cool. i had no idea what to play. out of 12 i came in 3rd place. we got our asses handed to us by a younger kid, maybe 22? who showed up in a suit and played classical VERY well on a nylon string. he was very good! even if i came in first i still felt bad about it....i wasn't happy with my playing.

steve

[texshred777]

Originally Posted by bammbamm

No to detract from the marching band/ drum corps thing, but aren't those just cover songs too, only a different format?



Bamm

yes and no. As a performer, it can be. Especially if you see it as performing and creating someone elses vision rather than your own. It's more about the athletic and musical abilities and techniques required to make a solid performance. When moving around a space at 190bpm, playing a part that is more rythmically and technically involved than anything else(that I've done anyway) remembering for your sticks to be at the exact height as every other snare player, also moving so your drum doesnt bounce etc etc it gets pretty intense. Cover or no, it's more involving(mentally and physically) than anything else I've ever done(including vai/petrucci/whatever) Modern marching percussion is so much more than parade and military marching band. I'm really more about the indoor percussion now, such as wgi and pasic. (check it out! there are great video clips at www.vicfirth.com, under the marching percussion features!)

I'm not really a performer anymore, except for solo performances on occasion. I really prefer to compose the percussion pieces, and be the director of the ensemble to create my vision. So I never feel like I'm ripping off/copying anyone else. I guess marching percussion composition is just more of my talent.

[texshred777]

I never really worried about other musicians success, I never really wanted to be known outside a small group of people. I just never fealt like I'd developed my own voice.

I just read the post again and some things came out in a different manner than intended. I really needed to get rid of it all, and I know I'll start again. I miss playing the guitar too much. But I know it won't be a means of living. I'll never make millions doing it(I'll do that with business and investments), but it's something I'll never completely rid myself of. I figure I'll buy a club so I'll always have a friday night gig.