<back   Jemsite > Players, People, Music and Tours > Players, Bands, People, Music & Tours
reload Metal subgenre definitions
Register FAQ Calendar iTrader Mark Forums Read

Players, Bands, People, Music & Tours Post news about bands (including yours!), or talk about other music, CDs, DVDs, videos, tours or appearances.

Reply
Page 1 of 2 1 2 NEXT >
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 05-01-2006, 04:56 AM
monkeyboy is offline
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: London, UK
Posts: 166  -  iTrader: (0)
Wink

Metal subgenre definitions

I take absolutely no credit for this post but felt it my duty to spread these definitions ;-)
* Power Metal
The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon, saves the princess and makes love to her in an enchanted forest.

* Thrash Metal
The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princess and ****s her.

* Heavy Metal
The protagonist arrives on a Harley, kills the dragon, drinks a few beers and ****s the princess.

* Folk Metal
The protagonist arrives with some friends playing accordions, violins, flutes and many more weird instruments, the dragon falls asleep (because of all the dancing). Then all leave........ without the princess.

* Viking Metal
The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his mighty axe, skins the dragon and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals her belongings and burns the castle before leaving.

* Death Metal
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, ****s the princess and kills her, then leaves.

* Black Metal
The protagonist arrives at midnight, kills the dragon and impales it in front of the castle. Then he sodomizes the princess, drinks her blood in a ritual before killing her. Then he impales the princess next to the dragon.

* Gore Metal
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in front of the castle, ****s the princess and kills her. Then he ****s the dead body again, slashes her belly and eats her guts. Then he ****s the carcass for the third time, burns the corpse and ****s it for the last time.

* Doom Metal
The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks he could never beat him, then he gets depressed and commits suicide. The dragon eats his body and the princess as dessert. That's the end of the sad story.

* Progressive Metal
The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo of 26 minutes. The dragon kills himself out of boredom. The protagonist arrives to the princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques and tunes he learned in the last year of the conservatory. The princess escapes looking for the 'Heavy Metal' protagonist.

* Glam Metal
The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's appearance and lets him enter. He steals the princess' make up and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink colour.

* Nu Metal
The protagonist arrives in a run down Honda Civic and attempts to fight the dragon but he burns to death when his moronic baggy clothes catch fire
quote
  #2  
Old 05-01-2006, 07:22 AM
Shredder87 is offline
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Inverness, UK
Posts: 417  -  iTrader: (0)

Re: Metal subgenre definitions

Haha, very interesting!

One thing I don't get... where does the Honda Civic come into nu-metal???
quote
  #3  
Old 05-01-2006, 07:30 AM
Algiman is offline
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Oxford, UK
Posts: 2,553  -  iTrader: (14)

Re: Metal subgenre definitions

Superb.
quote
  #4  
Old 05-01-2006, 08:22 AM
Mr. S is offline
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Cambridge UK
Posts: 312  -  iTrader: (1)

Re: Metal subgenre definitions

haha awesome, but you forgot one!

*Grindcore
The protagonist runs in, kills the dragon before it realises what the hells happening, saves the princess and tries to **** her but fails due to premature ejaculation....

or alternatively in 'The Berzerker's' case... they are the dragon... okay i need to get out more... sorry for the gross post
quote
  #5  
Old 05-01-2006, 08:26 AM
andy7jem is offline
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: london,uk
Posts: 6,504  -  iTrader: (0)

Re: Metal subgenre definitions

very funny stuff!
quote
  #6  
Old 05-01-2006, 08:50 AM
Epicus Furor is offline
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Chesterfield, England
Posts: 519  -  iTrader: (0)

Re: Metal subgenre definitions

Big up Viking Metal
quote
  #7  
Old 05-01-2006, 02:29 PM
fettouhi is offline
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Odense S, Denmark
Posts: 9,937  -  iTrader: (2)

Re: Metal subgenre definitions

Quote:
Originally Posted by Epicus Furor
Big up Viking Metal
Since I'm danish I should actually be a bit offended by the description of Viking Metal but instead I'm ROTFLMAO!!!

Regards

André
quote
  #8  
Old 05-01-2006, 05:03 PM
OLIE_ROCKS_THE_80'S is offline
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Chicago, IL:The Windy City
Posts: 2,770  -  iTrader: (5)
Reviews: 10
Talking

Re: Metal subgenre definitions

I like those definitions, what did you consult? the little dictionary Larousse of Heavy Metal or something?
quote
  #9  
Old 05-02-2006, 11:09 AM
AirGuitarHero is offline
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: China
Posts: 186  -  iTrader: (0)

Re: Metal subgenre definitions

'folk metal'?? WTF is that?? I'm getting old
quote
  #10  
Old 05-02-2006, 11:27 AM
Epicus Furor is offline
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Chesterfield, England
Posts: 519  -  iTrader: (0)

Re: Metal subgenre definitions

'folk metal'?? WTF is that?? I'm getting old

It's basically metal with elements of folk music incorporated into it, Check out bands like Finntroll or Elvenking - it's a love/hate kinds type of music you'll either love it or roll about laughing at it's overall naffness and cheesyness
quote
  #11  
Old 05-02-2006, 11:28 AM
Epicus Furor is offline
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Chesterfield, England
Posts: 519  -  iTrader: (0)

Re: Metal subgenre definitions

I still find the Power metal one the best, that's so Rhapsody
quote
  #12  
Old 05-02-2006, 09:52 PM
red5 is offline
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Williamstown, MA
Posts: 2,639  -  iTrader: (0)

Re: Metal subgenre definitions

Haha I like the nu metal one the best

How about

* Stoner Metal:
The protagonist arrives a day late carrying bags of reefer and insults the dragon. When the dragon breathes fire, the protagonist empties out the bag off weed and both he and the dragon sit there and laugh for the next few hours. When the dragon passes out, the protagonist sneaks up the tower and finds the princess who proceeds to throw him out of the tower - apparently something having to do with him calling her a pink elephant.
Last edited by red5; 05-02-2006 at 10:03 PM.
quote
  #13  
Old 05-02-2006, 10:06 PM
C.Thep is offline
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Arlington, TX
Posts: 3,050  -  iTrader: (18)

Re: Metal subgenre definitions

Quote:
Originally Posted by AirGuitarHero
'folk metal'?? WTF is that?? I'm getting old
Its some really really wierd stuff. A it's a light form of metal with mandolins and funny accents. It's usually happy stuff.
quote
  #14  
Old 05-02-2006, 10:11 PM
C.Thep is offline
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Arlington, TX
Posts: 3,050  -  iTrader: (18)

Re: Metal subgenre definitions

Hilarious!
quote
  #15  
Old 05-03-2006, 11:25 AM
monkeyboy is offline
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: London, UK
Posts: 166  -  iTrader: (0)

Re: Metal subgenre definitions

Sadly I didn't come up with the defintions I just published them. I personally liked prog metal the best.

H
quote
Reply
Page 1 of 2 1 2 NEXT >

Tags
death metal, heavy metal, thrash metal


« Previous Thread | Next Thread »
Thread Tools
Display Modes
Linear Mode Linear Mode

Show/Hide Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



Show/Hide Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Best guitar solos on a record on all metal subgenres? RCB Players, Bands, People, Music & Tours 52 09-03-2007 01:12 PM
Need help finding new (or old) metal music to learn lyconxero Players, Bands, People, Music & Tours 20 08-29-2005 10:22 AM
Jem 90th metal replacement pickguard philzeta JEM and Universe Guitars 12 07-21-2003 12:15 AM
JEM for black metal demon_of_the_fall JEM and Universe Guitars 18 10-09-2002 07:52 AM
Edge/Lo Pro metal - Type of metal? YngVaiTriani Tech: Setup, Repairs and Mods 14 10-10-2001 07:01 PM

Sitemap:1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 02:53 PM.

Contact Us - Jemsite.com: Ibanez JEM/UV guitars & more - Archive - Privacy Statement - Top

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.0
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
(c) jemsite.com