Tool CD Delay/Band Future Unsure

[Two hands31]

31 Mar 05


REMEMBER, DON”T KILL THE MESSENGER
You know the old saying, “no news is good news”, well… that was the case as far as the recording process was going for the new Tool CD, but now things may have changed a bit. Yesterday, when I went to the studio to give Maynard a bottle of wine (a 1992 Maya) for winning the bet that I had with him involving his new film “Sleeping Dogs Lie” (I lost by default, not being able to attend the Sedona screening), not only wasn’t Maynard there, but, in what seems to be a case of enantiodromia (something becoming its opposite) if ever there was one (!), I was told the reason why he wasn’t there. I wish this post was dated April 1, but, unfortunately, it isn’t. Like a doctor giving a patient a straight, honest answer to a medical diagnosis, without sugar-coating the truth, here’s exactly what I was told: “Maynard has found Jesus.” This will come as a complete shock to most (but not all) of you, as it did to me. In fact, it just seemed like another MJK prank until I talked to the one person who I believe would know if all this was legit or not. After nearly an hour on the phone with this person, the answer I received was that Maynard has indeed “found Jesus” and that, for this reason, he’s abandoned the project for the time being, if not entirely. I don’t know what the f**k is in the water these days, but hopefully a black jelly belly will turn up in that golden bowl… that’s all I can think to say at this point. Before leaving the studio, I watched as Danny made arrangements to go play some golf, while Adam and Justin kept working on a particular song. So, in case you missed it (those who don’t read the whole post), here’s today's news: Maynard has found Jesus…

http://www.toolband.com

[Drew]

I don't buy it - this was dated 3/31, just in time to spread by 4/1... You do the math.

-D

[whatshisname]

Launch Radio Networks reports: TOOL gave its fans a shock on April Fool's Day when a posting at the band's web site, Toolband.com, reported that singer Maynard James Keenan was not recording with the band because he had "found Jesus." Keenan himself emailed the webmaster of TOOL fan site ToolShed.down.net, saying, "I thought it only fair to inform you first, before you hear it second- or third-hand. Some recent events have led me to the rediscovery of Jesus. TOOL will need to take the back seat. This may come as a shock. I just thought you should know considering all the support you given us over the years."

While most fans took the news as an April Fool's prank, some on various TOOL message boards were honestly worried that Keenan had quit TOOL.

The band is known for posting jokes on its site every year at this time. But it has yet to officially confirm that the Keenan story, which seems like a takeoff on guitarist Brian "Head" Welch's recent decision to leave KORN for the same reason, is actually a fake. TOOL is working on its next album in Los Angeles...we hope.

[Two hands31]

New from toolband.com:

07 Apr 05

"Christians, huh? So forgive me." - Bill Hicks
Good news, April fools fans. The writing and recording is back under way. When approached for comment on his recent encounter with the Son of God, Maynard said, "That guy's a punk!"
As it turns out, Maynard was out "location scouting" near the Fourth Street bridge in downtown Los Angeles when he "found Jesus."
"Turns out he was here the whole time, and not that difficult to find if you know where to look," Maynard reported. Apparently Jesus offered him the position of campaign manager for his new line of "Holier Than Thou" sparkling holy water, which Maynard of course accepted. What wasn't obvious was that this guy is a total drunk. It's an occupational hazard. Every time our Lord goes to get a glass of water, it transforms into a generic grocery store Merlot. Because the alcoholic is the Son of God and an all-knowing being, he knew of Maynard’s extensive interest in collecting wine. So he went to work trying to get his lips on it. Maynard caught J.C. in his cellar transforming his precious wine collection into urine, then pissing it into the empty "sparkling holy water" bottles for the eventual sale to all those people who bought, read, and embraced "The Celestine Prophesy." Tragic.
"Truth be told," Maynard confessed, "I wasn't feeling top notch when I found him. The evening prior to the day in question I had over-indulged in a series of bad Molotov shrimp ****tails with a side of Makers Mark and twin strippers. So after an entire night of G.I. Blowouts, hot/cold sweats, and blurred vision, it's very possible that the guy I met wasn't even Jesus at all. For all I know, it was Willem Dafoe."

[Drew]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

That's the funniest thing I've ever read.

-D

[littlegreenman]

what amazes me is, you posted it on the 4th of april, long after the joke was played. How many tears did you shed thinking he'd really found god? LOL!!!!!!

[Two hands31]

Originally Posted by littlegreenman

what amazes me is, you posted it on the 4th of april, long after the joke was played. How many tears did you shed thinking he'd really found god? LOL!!!!!!

I posted it when I first found the news posting on the site. I never said I believed it

[lyconxero]

Now that's just awesome. Funniest story I've read all week.