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post #91 of 104 (permalink) Old 04-25-2008, 08:19 AM
 
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Red face Re: Daughters and dating

There is a great book called "The Good Girls Guide To Bad Girl Sex" by Barbara Keesling. It asserts that women are being inhibited by their culture, parents, religion, etc... This then causes problems in a marriage/relationship later on because they were always taught to be good girls and that sex is a taboo issue. They then have guilt and hang ups about letting themselves go...

My wife, although not a virgin when we met was very repressed sexually, and it took a loooong time to break her of feeling dirty with certain aspects of sex. On the flip side, I was/am a very deviant personality when on the subject of sex. My wife has come a long way, but still has that repressive quality once in a while...It has been very frustrating for both of is in the past. Especially her as she feels worthless at times, not to me , but...It has definitely taken some work to get through

Because of this...

I don't want that for my daughters. I'd prefer them not having sex before 18, simply because I think you have to live a bit before making those decisions, as well as not wanting them to saddle up with a child/abortion/std that early. My wife and I are both on board with the belief that if one of the girls is going to do it or considering it we want to know so they can have the proper protection!! That is also a hard reality to be smacked in the face with...

It is a damn difficult line to walk...
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post #92 of 104 (permalink) Old 04-25-2008, 08:50 AM
 
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Re: Daughters and dating

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Originally Posted by Zero 7 View Post
a) It's not up to you. It's up to your daughter because SHE IS ABLE TO MAKE A CHOICE, unlike your guitar.

b) SEX IS NOT A BAD THING!!!! Bloody hell. It does NOT deserve to be in the same list as speeding and drinking. I have enjoyed wonderful, consensual sex since I was 15 and have had a wonderful time. Me and my girlfriend are both at very good universities, we've never had any problems, and for all purposes are model young adults. Any parent would be proud to have brought up my girlfriend. She's sensible, careful, and we have never taken any risks with sex. Sex here is 100% good. No risk, all fun.

Where's the harm?
I don't know what the girls are like in England, but if most are sensible and careful like your girlfriend, I'm sure they didn't give it up the first date. Did they give it up as soon as you wanted, or did you have to wait a little? I believe sex for women (although it's becoming less so) is less casual than for men. Women are more emotional, they put more stock in a sexual relationship than men. Meaning they think more is tied to sex than guys think. So, harm may have come to the girls you left behind, but you won't see it. It hurts to be emotionally attached to something, and then lose it. I think it's worse for women, and the more partners they have, a piece of them is taken everytime. Just opinions, though.
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post #93 of 104 (permalink) Old 04-25-2008, 10:16 AM
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Re: Daughters and dating

The really funny thing I keep seeing here is how people keep speaking as though it is the parents decision to make. It isn't. Every parent wishes it was but that just isn't reality. Raise your kid right so that they make the right decision when the time comes because for sure, it will come, and for sure, you will not be there. If any kid under 18 wants to bad enough they will absolutely find a way to do it. And if you are constantly telling them that it is wrong and bad and evil, they will probably only want to do it even more.
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post #94 of 104 (permalink) Old 04-25-2008, 10:52 AM
 
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Re: Daughters and dating

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Originally Posted by Darin View Post
Does anyone have a problem with girls marrying at 16 if it's their choice? If you say they aren't old enough to make that choice, then they aren't old enough to choose to be 'active'.
You're talking about two completely different issues there Darin. First of all, no parent in their right mind would allow their daughter or son to marry that young unless the parent has no values of his/her own. At that age, you have no clue about being married to someone (you're not even out of high school for pete's sake!)

Sex, on the other hand, when openly discussed and explained from a parent's perspective can be pursued by the daughter or son in a safe manner.

I think other folks have mentioned this in various ways in previous responses so I'll say this to you...

The more the parent tightens the leash, the faster it will be for any kid (be it a girl or a boy) to find a way to venture into that "no-no" territory and break out of the coccoon the parent has been sheltering the kid from.

Jimmy
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post #95 of 104 (permalink) Old 04-25-2008, 11:06 AM
 
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Re: Daughters and dating

If one of your daughters does "sin" and has sex before marriage will you still love and respect them or be ashamed and disown them???
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post #96 of 104 (permalink) Old 04-25-2008, 12:04 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Daughters and dating

Quote:
If one of your daughters does "sin" and has sex before marriage will you still love and respect them or be ashamed and disown them???
You have got to be kidding.
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post #97 of 104 (permalink) Old 04-25-2008, 12:10 PM
 
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Re: Daughters and dating

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Originally Posted by Robotalk View Post
I don't know what the girls are like in England, but if most are sensible and careful like your girlfriend, I'm sure they didn't give it up the first date. Did they give it up as soon as you wanted, or did you have to wait a little?
With my current girlfriend, we waited a month and a half or so; until we were sure it was going to be a real relationship, and not a fling.
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post #98 of 104 (permalink) Old 04-25-2008, 12:16 PM
 
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Re: Daughters and dating

Look, Darin.

I'm 19 and I've grown up with girls your daughter's age, and am living with a whole bunch of 18-19 year old girls right now.

I've there's one thing that I can tell you for definite, it is this.


If she wants to have sex, she WILL have sex. That's it.


Now, as a parent, you have two options.

1) Make sex a taboo, 'naughty' issue.

2) Be open and understanding about sex, and understand that sex with a partner, in a relationship, is perfectly normal.


Option 1 will result in her viewing sex as a bad thing. She'll have sex, and then decide that she's already done one really naughty thing, why not do a few more? THIS could lead to your paranoia about group sex, etc. becoming realised.

Optino 2 will result in her viewing sex with a partner, in a relationship as a perfectly healthy thing. She'll do it - no repercussions. She'll see group sex etc. as 'bad' things, and won't do them.


Your choice, mate. Frankly, "Sex is a sin!! Don't do it!! Ever!!" is not going to win over her hormones and teenage desires.

So face up and allow her to live her own life.
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post #99 of 104 (permalink) Old 04-25-2008, 12:25 PM
 
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Re: Daughters and dating

Darin,

How about some reading about the subject pedagogy? There are many books and different kind of forms of eduction about raising children.

If you really want to know how others parents do it, why not learn from the experience of billions of parents before you?

Cheers, Sam.
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post #100 of 104 (permalink) Old 04-25-2008, 12:25 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Daughters and dating

Quote:
You're talking about two completely different issues
Not really. The issue seems to be parental control, and a teens freedom to make a decision.

If you think teens are capable of making quite potentially life altering decisions, like sex, then the same teen should be allowed to make other adult decisions. Like marrige, drinking, driving etc. It seems to be a bunch of parents afraid of their kids. Not only do you not trust your own kids to do the right thing, you also expect that they can't handle living a life of morality and purity. I feel sorry for any parent that thinks so lowly of their own children, or of there prenting skills. You are so willing to throw you own children on the pool with every kid that has no morals, no discipline, and not strength of character. I have high expectations of my children. Because they are quite frankly above animalistic behavior. There is more to life than sex. Teens do not NEED to have sex. The is no reason to expect that they absolutely will do it. But if you expect them to, and don't care if they do, and in your own mind find it 'healthy', then they likely will. But we believe, that there is a moral base, and a reason for abstaining.

My children will not be 'accused' or 'shunned' or any thing like that. It will become an opportunity for grace.

I'm sure to some of you. I high moral standard, a life of faith and discipline and even restriction is completely alien. Oh well, get over it.
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post #101 of 104 (permalink) Old 04-25-2008, 12:29 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Daughters and dating

Quote:
If you really want to know how others parents do it, why not learn from the experience of billions of parents
....billions of parets doing it wrong.
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post #102 of 104 (permalink) Old 04-25-2008, 12:34 PM
 
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Re: Daughters and dating

Quote:
Originally Posted by Darin View Post

If you think teens are capable of making quite potentially life altering decisions, like sex, then the same teen should be allowed to make other adult decisions..

It's not a question of "if" they are capable of making the decision. They WILL make that decision. Like it or not.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Darin View Post
I'm sure to some of you. I high moral standard, a life of faith and discipline and even restriction is completely alien. Oh well, get over it.
Many people that claim to live a life of high moral standard and faith, discipline etc.. are the biggest hypocrites out there.
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post #103 of 104 (permalink) Old 04-25-2008, 12:36 PM
 
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Re: Daughters and dating

If you already had your mind made up on what direction to take then why did you make this thread in the first place? If not but to gallop around on your high horse and yell yippie kaiyay.
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post #104 of 104 (permalink) Old 04-25-2008, 01:23 PM
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Re: Daughters and dating

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Originally Posted by CosmicDebris View Post
If you already had your mind made up on what direction to take then why did you make this thread in the first place? If not but to gallop around on your high horse and yell yippie kaiyay.
That certainly seems like the case here. Purpose served.
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