Favourite jokes? - Page 5

Davey · #61 06-29-2006, 04:50 AM

Hey my favourite thread has come back from hiatus!

Lmao at the new jokes

bammbamm · #62 06-29-2006, 03:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TongueShredder

Its hard being a dick. You have an eye that cannot see. A head that cannot think and worst still, you have two nuts as friends. Sometimes you are forced to work like slave. They cover you with this rubber material all over your head. When you start puking, it drools all over your head and eye. It just feels so sick

To all humans that sometimes curse upon their dicks saying this and that , just think about the hardship that dicks are often faced with. Like they say, It doesnt hurt to know your dick very well.

...not to mention your next door neighbor is an @$$hole...

Mikael Jurman · #63 06-29-2006, 03:47 PM

"I love women, shrimp and all other things smelling of fish"

carlos grijalva · #64 06-29-2006, 07:08 PM

I like my women like i like my coffe, hot and black

**GilkyBear** · #65 06-29-2006, 07:19 PM

OK, here we go...

A priest, a pedophile, and a rapist walk into a bar...

And that's just the first guy!!!!!!!!!! BAM!!

andy7jem · #66 06-29-2006, 07:21 PM

Gilk420.....controversial but very funny

**GilkyBear** · #67 06-29-2006, 07:59 PM

Aaathank you, aaathank you.

Eggy · #68 06-29-2006, 08:11 PM

*An Irish Joke I was told by my Irish mate*

Paddy and Mick are down at the Job Centre looking at the situations vacant board for some work.

Paddy turns to Mick and says,

"What about this, Greenkeepers wanted at the local golf club ?"

Mick replies,

"No that's no good Paddy, you need to have qualifications for that sort of thing."

Paddy then says,

"What about this gerdening job then?"

Mick replies,

"No,no,no Patrick. We don't know anything about plants do we ?!?!?"

Then Paddy sighs and says,

"Aw Micky if only Kieran was here today this one woulda bin perfect, it just says TREE FELLERS WANTED. "

Ben

HSH · #69 07-02-2006, 08:35 PM

What's the difference between an epileptic corn-shucker and a prostitute with diarrhea?

An epileptic corn-shucker shucks between fits.

andy7jem · #70 07-03-2006, 10:02 AM

TongueShredder · #71 07-03-2006, 10:29 AM

Why didnt Osama make love to all his five wives??

Because whenever he spreads their legs, he sees BUSH.

stratosqueeg · #72 07-03-2006, 01:47 PM

THE DIRTY PARROT

A women went into a pet shop and immediately spotted a beautiful parrot.

There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.

"Why so little," she asked the pet store owner.

The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."

The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird any way.

She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something.

The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said,

"New house, new madam."

The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought "that's really not so bad."

When her 2 teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw and said, "New house, new madam, new girls."

The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised.

Moments later, the woman's husband Keith came home from work.

As he walked into the room, the bird looked at him and said,

"Hi, Keith!"

**elcid** · #73 07-03-2006, 02:32 PM

An Irishman, an Italian and a Polish guy are sitting around a bar drinking.
The Irishman says "This is a nice bar, but back in Dublin we have a bar called O'Flannagan's, it's great, you buy 2 drinks they buy you 1, you buy 2 more, they buy you another one."

Not wanting to be out done the Italian guy says "Yeah, well, we got this bar, Tony's in New York, it's even better. For every drink you buy, they buy you 1"

The Polish guy laughs and says "That's nothing, back in Warsaw we have a bar you go in there and buy a drink, they buy you 2 more, then take you out and get you laid."

The Irishman, and Italian are in awe. "They did this for you?" asks the Italian.

"No, I've never been," says the Polish guy "my sister was telling me about it".

Jaden · #74 07-03-2006, 03:08 PM

Q: whats the difference between an egg and a muff dive ?

A: you can beat an egg !!

boom boom

Distantshore · #75 07-03-2006, 03:17 PM

A man and his wife are in the shower together when the doorbell rings. The wife puts on a robe and goes down to answer the door.

In walks her husband’s friend Ben. The woman tells him her husband’s in the shower and asks if he can come back later. Instead, Ben steps in and quietly says, "I have $400 in my pocket. I’ll give it to you if you’ll open your bathrobe for me." She’s offended, but really needs the money so she agrees, opens her robe, and lets Ben have a quick peek before doing it up again. Ben gives her the $400, and she opens the door for him to leave, but he says, "I have another $400 in my other pocket. I’ll give it to you if you let me touch your breasts." Now she’s really mortified, but again, she needs the money, so she undoes her robe and lets him have a quick feel. Taking the other $400 from him, she lets him out the door.

Going back upstairs, she gets back in the shower with her husband, feeling a little bit guilty.

"Who was that?" the husband asks.

"Oh, that was just Ben," the wife answers.

"Ben?" the husband says. "That son of a bitch owes me 800 bucks!"