<back   Jemsite > Off-topic & Polls > Chat Forum

Chat Forum Use this forum for "chatroom" like discussion. This forum will have one or two open topics that will be pruned every few days. Post counts don't incriment in here.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #91  
Old 08-31-2006, 02:53 PM
(a)
Davey  is offline
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: UK
Posts: 4,800  -  iTrader: (22)

Re: Favourite jokes?


Quote:
Originally Posted by jemplayer55 View Post
The 1st Affair

A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon.
Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.

The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.
He put on his shoes and drove home.

"Where have you been?" his wife demanded.
"I can't lie to you," he replied,
"I'm having an affair with my secretary.
We had sex all afternoon."
She looked down at his shoes and said:
"You lying bastard!
You've been playing golf!"
That's great
quote
  #92  
Old 08-31-2006, 05:43 PM
JoeJoe  is offline
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 587  -  iTrader: (0)

Re: Favourite jokes?


Whahahahah some really good ones there

I love 'the first affair'
quote
  #93  
Old 08-31-2006, 07:17 PM
(a)
megadeth  is offline
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Tallahassee, FL
Posts: 1,221  -  iTrader: (10)

Re: Favourite jokes?


Chemistry class going on......

Professor:- what are the "nitrates?

One Girl speaks shyly: "night-rates are double sir"...
quote
  #94  
Old 08-31-2006, 07:40 PM
TongueShredder  is offline
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Singapore
Posts: 1,730  -  iTrader: (0)
Talking

Re: Favourite jokes?


Wow really good jokes Jemplayer55. Really enjoyed them. Thanks for posting man...
quote
  #95  
Old 09-01-2006, 12:44 AM
(a)
mi2tom  is offline
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Penang, Malaysia
Posts: 7,559  -  iTrader: (4)

Re: Favourite jokes?


Very very good joke Jemplayer55 I love!!! Thanks for sharing
quote
  #96  
Old 09-01-2006, 06:03 PM
jemplayer55  is offline
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: usa
Posts: 2,612  -  iTrader: (0)

Re: Favourite jokes?


Quote:
Originally Posted by megadeth View Post
Chemistry class going on......

Professor:- what are the "nitrates?

One Girl speaks shyly: "night-rates are double sir"...
now that's a good one...... but you left out the fact she's a "blond"!
quote
  #97  
Old 09-01-2006, 07:05 PM
Tom Gilroy  is offline
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Galway, Ireland
Posts: 1,747  -  iTrader: (0)

Re: Favourite jokes?


A clean joke for once in this thread....

A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender "ya got any grapes?" The bartender politely replies "no, I don't have any grapes, sorry."

The duck walks in the next day and asks "ya got any grapes?" the bartender, a little annoyed bluntly says "no, I don't have any damn grapes."

The duck walks in the next day and asks "ya got any grapes?". The bartender shouts "no, I don't have any f*cking grapes, if you ask me that again I'll nail your f*cking feet to the floor."

The duck walks in the next day and asks "ya got any nails?" the bartender says "no". The duck replies, "so have you got any grapes?"
quote
  #98  
Old 09-01-2006, 09:33 PM
ChopTart  is offline
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Manhattan, NY
Posts: 1,390  -  iTrader: (1)

Re: Favourite jokes?


great jokes, especially the "affair series"!
quote
  #99  
Old 09-02-2006, 12:08 AM
katrina  is offline
Inactive Username
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Las Vegas, NV
Posts: 1,614  -  iTrader: (0)

Re: Favourite jokes?


The affair jokes CRACKED ME UP!!!

Those are some of the best I've ever heard!!!

~ Katrina
quote
  #100  
Old 09-02-2006, 12:13 AM
(a)
mi2tom  is offline
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Penang, Malaysia
Posts: 7,559  -  iTrader: (4)

Re: Favourite jokes?


I think nothing beats a dirty joke
quote
  #101  
Old 09-02-2006, 12:17 AM
katrina  is offline
Inactive Username
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Las Vegas, NV
Posts: 1,614  -  iTrader: (0)

Re: Favourite jokes?


You're probably totally right...
I've never heard a clean one that I liked..
Besides some of those "yo mama" jokes.. We were telling those on the bus today..

My brother came up with this one:

Your mama's so fat she wore Guess Jeans and the answer came out..

Heheeee!
I thought it was funny!

~ Katrina
quote
  #102  
Old 09-02-2006, 11:07 AM
(a)
MilkshakeFiend  is offline
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Nr Cambridge, England
Posts: 765  -  iTrader: (4)

Re: Favourite jokes?


Tom that's not clean it's got swear words in!

But it made me laugh, so it's ok.

~M
quote
  #103  
Old 09-02-2006, 03:31 PM
katrina  is offline
Inactive Username
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Las Vegas, NV
Posts: 1,614  -  iTrader: (0)

Re: Favourite jokes?


Many will recall that on July 8, 1947, witnesses claim an unidentified object with several aliens aboard crashed on a sheep and cattle ranch just outside Roswell, New Mexico.

This is a well known incident that many say has long been covered up by the US Air Force and the federal government.

However, you may well NOT know that in the month of March 1948, exactly nine months after that historic day, the following people were born:

Albert Arnold Gore, Jr.
Hillary Rodham
John F. Kerry
William Jefferson Clinton
Howard Dean
Nancy Pelosi
Dianne Feinstein
Charles E. Schumer
and Barbara Boxer.

That piece of information has now cleared up a lot of things.
quote
  #104  
Old 09-21-2006, 09:34 PM
jemplayer55  is offline
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: usa
Posts: 2,612  -  iTrader: (0)

Re: Favourite jokes?


Subject: FW: British Airway

Mother had 3 virgin daughters. They were all getting married within a short time period. Because Mom was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.

The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding.
The card said nothing but "Nescafe." Mom was puzzled at first, but then went to the kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar. It said: "Good til the last drop."

Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.

The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and the card read: "Benson&Hedges."

Mom now knew to go straight to her husbands' cigarettes, and she read from the Benson&Hedges pack: "Extra Long. King Size." She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter.

The third girl left for her honeymoon in the Caribbean. Mom waited for a week, nothing.

Another week went by and still nothing. Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived. Written on it with shaky hand writing were the words "British Airways."

Mom took out her latest Harper's Bazaar magazine, flipped through the pages, fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for BA.

The ad said: "Three times a day, seven days a week, both ways."

Mom fainted ...
quote
  #105  
Old 09-21-2006, 10:42 PM
(a)
mi2tom  is offline
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Penang, Malaysia
Posts: 7,559  -  iTrader: (4)

Re: Favourite jokes?


quote
Reply

Tags
acoustic guitar, steve vai


Thread Tools
Display Modes

Show/Hide Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



Show/Hide Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Music Jokes - Kosmic Pursuit Off-topic / Miscellaneous 2 09-24-2009 05:39 PM
Musician Jokes ET Guitars Off-topic / Miscellaneous 7 04-03-2008 11:18 AM
Music theory jokes Josh_P Off-topic / Miscellaneous 6 07-21-2007 03:48 AM
theory jokes? Dragon Slayer J Guitar Lessons & Music Theory 14 10-27-2006 05:46 AM
pg's songs reccomendation..are those just jokes? icank_gtd Guitar Lessons & Music Theory 3 01-31-2006 11:58 AM

Sitemap:1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 06:52 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.0
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
(c) jemsite.com
Powered by