Favourite jokes? - Page 7

Davey · #91 08-31-2006, 01:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jemplayer55

The 1st Affair

A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon.
Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.

The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.
He put on his shoes and drove home.

"Where have you been?" his wife demanded.
"I can't lie to you," he replied,
"I'm having an affair with my secretary.
We had sex all afternoon."
She looked down at his shoes and said:
"You lying bastard!
You've been playing golf!"

That's great

JoeJoe · #92 08-31-2006, 04:43 PM

Whahahahah some really good ones there

I love 'the first affair'

megadeth · #93 08-31-2006, 06:17 PM

Chemistry class going on......

Professor:- what are the "nitrates?

One Girl speaks shyly: "night-rates are double sir"...

TongueShredder · #94 08-31-2006, 06:40 PM

Wow really good jokes Jemplayer55. Really enjoyed them. Thanks for posting man...

mi2tom · #95 08-31-2006, 11:44 PM

Very very good joke Jemplayer55 I love!!! Thanks for sharing

jemplayer55 · #96 09-01-2006, 05:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by megadeth

Chemistry class going on......

Professor:- what are the "nitrates?

One Girl speaks shyly: "night-rates are double sir"...

now that's a good one...... but you left out the fact she's a "blond"!

Tom Gilroy · #97 09-01-2006, 06:05 PM

A clean joke for once in this thread....

A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender "ya got any grapes?" The bartender politely replies "no, I don't have any grapes, sorry."

The duck walks in the next day and asks "ya got any grapes?" the bartender, a little annoyed bluntly says "no, I don't have any damn grapes."

The duck walks in the next day and asks "ya got any grapes?". The bartender shouts "no, I don't have any f*cking grapes, if you ask me that again I'll nail your f*cking feet to the floor."

The duck walks in the next day and asks "ya got any nails?" the bartender says "no". The duck replies, "so have you got any grapes?"

ChopTart · #98 09-01-2006, 08:33 PM

great jokes, especially the "affair series"!

katrina · #99 09-01-2006, 11:08 PM

The affair jokes CRACKED ME UP!!!

Those are some of the best I've ever heard!!!

~ Katrina

mi2tom · #**100** 09-01-2006, 11:13 PM

I think nothing beats a dirty joke

katrina · #**101** 09-01-2006, 11:17 PM

You're probably totally right...
I've never heard a clean one that I liked..
Besides some of those "yo mama" jokes.. We were telling those on the bus today..

My brother came up with this one:

Your mama's so fat she wore Guess Jeans and the answer came out..

Heheeee!
I thought it was funny!

~ Katrina

MilkshakeFiend · #**102** 09-02-2006, 10:07 AM

Tom that's not clean it's got swear words in!

But it made me laugh, so it's ok.

~M

katrina · #**103** 09-02-2006, 02:31 PM

Many will recall that on July 8, 1947, witnesses claim an unidentified object with several aliens aboard crashed on a sheep and cattle ranch just outside Roswell, New Mexico.

This is a well known incident that many say has long been covered up by the US Air Force and the federal government.

However, you may well NOT know that in the month of March 1948, exactly nine months after that historic day, the following people were born:

Albert Arnold Gore, Jr.
Hillary Rodham
John F. Kerry
William Jefferson Clinton
Howard Dean
Nancy Pelosi
Dianne Feinstein
Charles E. Schumer
and Barbara Boxer.

That piece of information has now cleared up a lot of things.

jemplayer55 · #**104** 09-21-2006, 08:34 PM

Subject: FW: British Airway

Mother had 3 virgin daughters. They were all getting married within a short time period. Because Mom was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.

The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding.
The card said nothing but "Nescafe." Mom was puzzled at first, but then went to the kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar. It said: "Good til the last drop."

Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.

The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and the card read: "Benson&Hedges."

Mom now knew to go straight to her husbands' cigarettes, and she read from the Benson&Hedges pack: "Extra Long. King Size." She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter.

The third girl left for her honeymoon in the Caribbean. Mom waited for a week, nothing.

Another week went by and still nothing. Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived. Written on it with shaky hand writing were the words "British Airways."

Mom took out her latest Harper's Bazaar magazine, flipped through the pages, fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for BA.

The ad said: "Three times a day, seven days a week, both ways."

Mom fainted ...