LONG WINDED RANT

mr. jess · #1 11-14-2008, 09:57 PM

So I just quit the band I was playing with last weekend. Sent a really respectful email out to 4 of the other 5 members, and called the other one and left a message for him to call me back, he has not. Have been with these people for 2 years and have done nothing but donate time to rehearsal, gigs, and studio time. Never made a penny. First time in my life I've never made ANY money playing music. 2 of the members are husband and wife and they are "the boss's", essentially making all of the decisions even when they ask for our input, the eventually just did what they wanted.
I took a year off from my normal professional career, and relocated to another state to be in this project. They made it sound really promising at the time, lots of proverbial irons in fires. Soundtrack possibilities etc.,, none of that ever panned out.
I was ready to bail a year ago and this is why I hadn't. When we relocated I took out a $25,000 loan on a 401k in order to essentially take a year off(to cover all of my expenses) and devote all of my energy to this projet, with my wifes consent. It seemed that promising. We are still paying that loan back. We relocated, sold our house and bought another one near the band. To the tune of a $55,000 down payment on our home.
That part is ok, we like our house, but would have looked elswhere for something aliitle more secluded. Still that is $80,000 invested just to be here for this project.
Well I put up with it for another year just to see if I could possible recover some of our investment into the band, and finally decided that it was effecting the quality of life with my family. Too much stress and strain on the marital end, we were just unhappy, so it was time for a change,
So I cut my losses and moved forward with life. I feel fortunate that I have a loving wife who has a good career job, as do I.
I have remained friends with the drummer, and keyboardist since my departure. I have not heard from the bassist. By the way I am the lead guitar player(Jem 7vwh, and a BRMR). Drums and keys feel the same as I do, and the drummer was suprised that I quit before he did, allthough I dind't know that he was allready looking for another gig.
I don't mind the monetary loss, what bothers me is how the husband and wife team were allways telling us how much $ they have spent. Blah blah blah, not even close to my total. And I even offered to pay for mand things including my own studio time, which they rejected.
It is because they want to have ALL of the control over everything. They are self admitted control freaks. They learned this weekend that they don't control me.
Not hearing from the bassist tells me that they have their hooks into him, as they have helped him out a lot in the past, financialy, and other ways. It is too bad, I thought we were all friends.
Plus the drummer came over to my house after being at "the boss's" house while they read my email, and did a total 180 on their opinion of me, called me some pretty nasty names, and said some really nasty things about how and what happens to me. F them!
They are just bitter and resentful that they have to recruit NEW robots to do what they need in order for "HER" to further her career. The one good thing is that my friend the drummer, stood his ground and defended me, only to have the husband escort him out of their house saying that there was nothing to talk about. F'n controling m$@%&$s.
Drummer has since moved on this week, and joined another band that the duo despises. I am so proud him. They are trying to recruit me, but I kinda just wanna take some time and enjoy normalcy returning.
By the way, I did speak with the husband on the phone informing him that I was leaving the band prior to the email going out, I wasn't trying to be chikens%$t about it, and talked to everybody that would pick up their phone, then I sent out the resignation. After all we were an LLC.
If you made it all the way through this post I commend you and welcome any and all comments.
Not sure if this was the right place to post this. Thanks

DEADTUNES666 · #2 11-14-2008, 11:40 PM

It seems to me like you jumped the gun on many of your points. This is business not friendness, if you wanted friends you were ill advised to pump money into them, and if you wanted to deal with business you would have had better contracts up front. Of course as an LLC, I am assuming you had lawyers write up some sort of agreement about what goes on. My wife and I have a few LLC's that we own real estate under and every time we start a new one we have a new contract written up outlining the details, and that's with my wife of 17 years. I am sorry for your bad time/luck but band business is sketchy at best.

Also don't take this personally it is after all business, with people you didn't have history with prior to your involvement.

I mean this in the nicest most respectful way humanly possible...Let it go, learn the lesson, get a job, pay some bills, take some pressure off your wife, and then be happy together...

mr. jess · #3 11-14-2008, 11:59 PM

Thanks for your comments. I agree with what you are saying and life is good again. No tension at home and all that goes with cutting off something negative in life.

The only sad part is that we WERE all friends, ( I thought) but I see 3 of them's true colors now, and I take away from it 2 true friends, and talented players. Good enough for me.

We aren't sweating the $ loss, we new it was a gamble, and in this industry, it really is a gamble. We knew it going in but didn't ram it down everbody elses throat at every oportune moment like some others. That is not my way.

Will probably be doing some studio work with the keyboardist, and the drummer wants me to check out his new band, but I am only really interested at this point in doing maybe a one out, or some kinda fun gig with no long term commitments. Just wanna have fun, and maybe get a couple of buck to cover gas to get there.

Since the three of us that defected are all really on the same page with things, we wil continue to work together. These guys are good guys, and don't talk trash behind your back like the others. And we are all family guys, unlike the other three, that are only really looking out for their own interests, and have no real responsibilities.

We all should have seen the writing on the wall a year ago.

Thanks again.

Darin · #4 11-15-2008, 11:10 AM

If Shane Regal is sees this thread, he'll have a similar story.

More than all the house selling and buying stuff, he left his friends and family for a band....that didn't work out.

Come home SHAAAAANE!

DEADTUNES666 · #5 11-16-2008, 11:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mr. jess

The only sad part is that we WERE all friends, ( I thought) but I see 3 of them's true colors now

There are no friends in business! If your buddy diddles your wife then yeah you lost a friend, but if a business associate does something unethical (or maybe ethical) that hurts you it's just business

Quote:

Originally Posted by mr. jess

We aren't sweating the $ loss, we new it was a gamble, and in this industry, it really is a gamble. We knew it going in but didn't ram it down everbody elses throat at every oportune moment like some others. That is not my way.

You need to have the way of a businessman. Cross all your t's dot all your i's...If you're not sweating the monetary loss then you've learned little of a lesson and you and I should start a band together. There's lots of opportunities in Scranton!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by mr. jess

These guys are good guys, and don't talk trash behind your back like the others. And we are all family guys, unlike the other three, that are only really looking out for their own interests, and have no real responsibilities.

Surrounding yourself with good guys is not as prosperous as surrounding yourself with good business partners. Having or not having responsibilities doesn't necessarily make one responsible...

When it comes to business make sure you are the smartest one in the room! And if taking care of the whole makes it more profitable for you then fine, but if not then you watch your piece of the pie only! Cultivate what is good for you...And PM me if you want to relocate to Scranton.

mr. jess · #6 11-16-2008, 01:33 PM

You're totally right. Certain changes in my life, like having my 12 year old daughter come and live with us, for reasons I won't go into have prompted me to re-evaluate my music career. Life is fuuny sometimes, but doing music full time just isn't as important as is was a year ago. Priorities have shifted, and I am trying to do what is best for my family. Got a good job with room to advance to the top in an industry that I really enjoy.

Will continue to make music for my own personal enjoyment, a little older and a little wiser.

Was just wondering if anybody else had any similar stories?

Thanks again for your input, it is all appreciated.

Not planning on moving to Scranton anytime soon.

mr. jess · #7 11-16-2008, 09:54 PM

Not sure this ws the best place to post this, if it was not would someone please move it to where it should be? Maybe this should have been is some sorta epic fail thread. Thanx