Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Melbourne, Australia
All this hoo-ha about this supposed bigfoot body has got me thinkin' about one of my favourite Futurama moments:
Ranger Park: Now since this area's a national Bigfoot preserve, we'll start with a short film about Bigfoot while I make a few phone calls.
[He dims the lights and turns on the projector. "Bigfoot" appears on the screen.]
Narrator: [voice-over; in movie] Bigfoot ... [A hand stamps some words over the caption.] ... Endangered Mystery! [The movie shows a map of North America.] In the dense forests of the Pacific Northwest ... [The scene changes to the Patterson-Gimlin film.] ... dwells the strange and beautiful creature known as Bigfoot, perhaps.
Fry: That proves it!
[In the movie the Clearcutter cuts down some trees.]
Narrator: [voice-over; in movie] Sadly, logging and human settlement today threaten what might possibly be his habitat. Although if it's not, they don't. Bigfoot populations require vast amounts of land to remain elusive in. [The scene changes to some rocks.] They typically dwell just behind rocks but are also sometimes playful, bounding into thick fogs and out-of-focus areas.
[The scene changes to a foggy forest. Park talks on the phone at the back of the room.]
Ranger Park: It should say "Top Quality Exercycle For Sale" and could you put "top quality" in bold? You can't? OK, whatever.
[In the movie someone photographs the woods.]
Narrator: [voice-over; in movie] Remember, it's up to us. Bigfoot is a crucial part of the ecosystem, if he exists. So let's all help keep Bigfoot possibly alive for future generations to enjoy unless he doesn't exist. The end.
[The movie ends with "The End" and "MMCMLXII - Most Rights Reserved".]
Ranger Park: I-I gotta call you back. [He hangs up.] Alright, questions?
Sal: Yeah. Have yous ever seens Bigfeet?
Ranger Park: Technically, no. But I do see him each night in my dreams and each day in the silent faces of hairy children.
[Farnsworth stands up and shakes his fist.]
Farnsworth: (shouting) Bunk! Bunk I say! Bring me a bag full of Bigfoot's droppings or shut up!
Ranger Park: [holding up a bag] I have the droppings of someone who saw Bigfoot.
Farnsworth: Shut up!
[Bender stands up and points out the window.]
Bender: Oh, my God! Look! It's Bigfoot!
[Park holds up a camera and autograph book and runs to the window.]
Ranger Park: Where?
Bender: Eh, he's gone. He said you should keep wasting your life though.
Petunia: Oh! I saw Bigfoot crushing cars at the county fair.
Ranger Park: What you saw was Bigfoot the monster truck. But thanks for a great question.
[She groans and walks out muttering. Fry raises his hand.]
Fry: Sir, if I may, why don't you just set up like a billion video cameras in the woods and see if he walks by one?
Ranger Park: Ah, that would be very expensive, and most people who believe in Bigfoot are broke.
Bender: Hey, look! Bigfoot! He's back!
Ranger Park: Where?
Bender: Up your face! [He laughs.] Everybody do the Bender!