The Comedy Thread - Jemsite
Off-topic / Miscellaneous Talk about miscellaneous stuff off-topic and not related to music, guitars or bands. No music, gear or anything guitar related here please.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
post #1 of 21 (permalink) Old 08-16-2006, 06:04 PM Thread Starter
 
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 383
The Comedy Thread

Ok, I'm getting a little bored waiting impatiently for my Wamoth body to arrive so I started a thread. Post funny videos, pics, comics, anything you got. Sorry if this thread is stupid and pointless
guitarsalad14 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 21 (permalink) Old 08-16-2006, 08:12 PM
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 7
Re: The Comedy Thread

Ptah Khnemu is offline  
post #3 of 21 (permalink) Old 08-16-2006, 10:23 PM
 
megadeth's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Tallahassee, FL
Posts: 1,221
Re: The Comedy Thread

Chemistry class going on......

Professor:- what are the "nitrates?

One Girl speaks shyly: "night-rates are double sir"...
megadeth is offline  
post #4 of 21 (permalink) Old 08-16-2006, 10:35 PM
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Robstown TX
Posts: 1,179
Re: The Comedy Thread

ok so this nun calls for a taxi, and the taxi pulls up. While in the car she says please take me to 5th and main. Drives going along smoothly and cab driver starts asking her questions, and then he says "you know this is gonna sound odd but i've always wanted head from a nun" the nun looks with her eyes open for a second and replies "its not that odd....I just request Two things, 1. Your catholic and 2. your single" so He replies "yes sister im single and catholic i go to church every sunday". So they pull into an alley way and she gives him what he asked for........after its all said and done the cab driver starts laughing and the nun looks at him and says "sir...why are you laughing" and he said "HA. Cause I lied im not single and im jewish!"...........then the nun laughs and the cab driver says "ok....why are YOU laughing" and the nun replies in a deep husky voice "cause my names bob and i came from a fancy dress up party"
Eddie_UV777 is offline  
post #5 of 21 (permalink) Old 08-16-2006, 10:45 PM
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleveland
Posts: 3,422
Re: The Comedy Thread

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the
Tickle Me Elmo toys.
The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. Well, Lena
is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day
promptly at 8:00 AM.
The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel
Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant
about the new employee.
He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line
is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.
The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for
himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get
there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over
the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up. At the end of
the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's.
She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small
marbles. The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of
fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the
little package between Elmo's legs.
The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several
minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena.
"I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight
face, "but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you
yesterday...Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles!"
ibanezcollector is offline  
post #6 of 21 (permalink) Old 08-16-2006, 10:52 PM
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 591
Re: The Comedy Thread

Roy D. Mercer.
This guy was doing this stuff way ahead of the crank-yankers.

I tried to direct link some of the clips, but no go.
Some of the funniest stuff on the net, if you can dig a good prank call.

http://www.roydmercer.com/main.htm

Click on the telephone on the desk to hear some of the clips.
The call he made to the police chief is hilarious.

Also on myspace.com
http://www.myspace.com/roydmercer
surfdog777 is offline  
post #7 of 21 (permalink) Old 08-16-2006, 11:04 PM
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Arlington, TX
Posts: 3,069
Re: The Comedy Thread




lol
C.Thep is offline  
post #8 of 21 (permalink) Old 08-16-2006, 11:33 PM
Moderator
 
GilkyBear's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Jacksonville, NC
Posts: 4,107
Re: The Comedy Thread

A blonde reporter reports an airplane has crashed and killed 3 Brazilian passengers. She says she isn't sure how many that is, but is pretty sure it's more than a million...
GilkyBear is offline  
post #9 of 21 (permalink) Old 08-17-2006, 06:28 AM
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 587
Re: The Comedy Thread



A doctor is going round the ward with a nurse and they come to the first bed where the chap is laying half dead.
"Did you give this man two tablets every eight hours?" asks the doctor.
"Oh, no," replies the nurse, "I gave him eight tablets every two hours!"
At the next bed the next patient also appears half dead.
"Nurse, did you give this man one tablet every twelve hours?"
"Oops, I gave him twelve tablets every one hour," replies the nurse.
Unfortunately at the next bed the patient is well and truly deceased, not an ounce of life. "Nurse," asks the doctor, "did you prick his boil?"
"OH MY GOODNESS!" replies the nurse...
JoeJoe is offline  
post #10 of 21 (permalink) Old 08-17-2006, 07:14 AM
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 636
Re: The Comedy Thread

Well it's not that funny but it emphasizes how unlucky i get at some times...

I was walking with a friend searching for a bus stop. we couldn't find any so decided to ask. and I sometimes can't talk to strangers. My friend knew it as well, and told me that I couldn't ask where the bus stop is. I told him that of course I could, and approached a pair. I asked them where the bus stop is, and I actually was quite relaxed...
They made some hand gestures trying to tell me that they were speechless and deaf! Duh! That's just my luck!
Wis Redz of Silvanost is offline  
post #11 of 21 (permalink) Old 08-17-2006, 07:27 AM
 
Davey's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: UK
Posts: 4,800
Re: The Comedy Thread

lol

Talk about luck...

There is this wrestler called Ric Flair, and in the 80's he was treated like a god most places he went. Anyway, he went for a title defense in Puerto Rico and when he got off the plane it was throwing it down, thunder, lightning, the works. One of the airport guys handed him an umbrella and as he went to put the umbrella up, the lightning struck the tip of the umbrella, bounced off and hit the guy stood next to him right in the eye. It killed him!

The moral of the story: never give up your umbrella
Davey is offline  
post #12 of 21 (permalink) Old 08-17-2006, 08:24 AM
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Odense S, Denmark
Posts: 9,952
Re: The Comedy Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ibanez249 View Post
lol

Talk about luck...

There is this wrestler called Ric Flair, and in the 80's he was treated like a god most places he went. Anyway, he went for a title defense in Puerto Rico and when he got off the plane it was throwing it down, thunder, lightning, the works. One of the airport guys handed him an umbrella and as he went to put the umbrella up, the lightning struck the tip of the umbrella, bounced off and hit the guy stood next to him right in the eye. It killed him!

The moral of the story: never give up your umbrella
Talk about bad luck.

Regards

André



fettouhi is offline  
post #13 of 21 (permalink) Old 08-17-2006, 02:39 PM
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: london,uk
Posts: 6,512
Re: The Comedy Thread

Hey ibanezcollector,that is absolutely awesome
I found that hilarious, i had to walk away coz i couldn't read anymore with tears in my eyes
Brilliant
andy7jem is offline  
post #14 of 21 (permalink) Old 08-17-2006, 03:17 PM
Moderator
 
GilkyBear's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Jacksonville, NC
Posts: 4,107
Re: The Comedy Thread

It's old, but it's a classic, the history of the "F" word...

(Warning: heavy swearing!)

http://www.break.com/index/englishf.html
GilkyBear is offline  
post #15 of 21 (permalink) Old 08-17-2006, 03:25 PM
 
JJEMMER777's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Thornton, CO
Posts: 8,373
Re: The Comedy Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by C.Thep View Post



lol
- That's CLASSIC
JJEMMER777 is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on the Jemsite forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address

IMPORTANT: You will be required to activate your account so please ensure that your email address is correct.

If you do not receive your activation check your spam folder before using the CONTACT US form (at the bottom right of each page).



Email Address:
OR

Log-in











Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Linear Mode



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Classifieds thread expectations jim777 Off-topic / Miscellaneous 12 10-21-2005 01:40 PM
Sustainer Guitar Information Thread Needed sniperfrommars1 Pickups & wiring 10 09-26-2005 03:36 AM
Swinging 60's Appreciation thread!!! themaidenmaniac Players & Bands, Music & Sounds, Tours & Jams, Lessons & Theory! 0 12-06-2004 09:26 PM
Idea for a sticky thread, details inside, please read mods steeda Players & Bands, Music & Sounds, Tours & Jams, Lessons & Theory! 2 04-02-2003 12:34 AM
the CD we are recording - jemsite keeps removing this thread shredmaster Ibanez JEM, UV, JS & Other Signature Models 2 08-08-2001 10:08 AM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome