To contact or not to contact - That is the ? - Jemsite
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post #1 of 24 (permalink) Old 04-19-2008, 12:47 AM Thread Starter
 
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To contact or not to contact - That is the ?

So, I have a dilemma...

Recently I found myself being really bored at work (unusual, eh?).
Goofing around on the web, I just started searching various names of people from my past. The last name I pulled out from the ol' gray matter was my first girl friend (going back 24 years here...).
So, I plug it in to Google.
Bing!
It comes back with some results.
Not completely unexpected, with billions of people in this world.
I click on the first result, and just about choke on my soda when the picture on the screen is her.

Born and raised in Scandinavia, I now live in SoCal, and have been here for about 18 years.
And where does my ex-GF live?
Northern California.
Do note, last I saw her, we were both enjoying the long summer nights in the beautiful land known for it's cars, Vodka, and bikini team.

Somehow, we both ended up on the other side of the world, in the same state!
Freaky..........

So, do I contact her?
It would only be for the fun part of chatting about old times.
I'm married now, and I just don't know how the wife would take it.
"Why were you searching for her?"
"Why do you want to see her?"
You married guys know the story....

What do I do?
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post #2 of 24 (permalink) Old 04-19-2008, 12:51 AM
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Re: To contact or not to contact - That is the ?

Put it back in the grey matter. When you're divorced you can pull it out again and do whatever you want
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post #3 of 24 (permalink) Old 04-19-2008, 12:56 AM Thread Starter
 
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Re: To contact or not to contact - That is the ?

"When I'm divorced" not "if"....?
Man, you're so optimistic!




So, not even for some e-mails "Hey, long time no-C! Hope life is good"....?

This was my first GF, and we were really young, so no "bumping nasties" ever happened....And no interest on my part of any such action today.

Still no go, eh?
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post #4 of 24 (permalink) Old 04-19-2008, 12:58 AM
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Re: To contact or not to contact - That is the ?

I go with the percentages

Unless you've got the most understanding wife in the world, and then it's still up for debate if she'd understand searching for a "first", this will just lead to hastening the percentages
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post #5 of 24 (permalink) Old 04-19-2008, 12:59 AM
 
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Re: To contact or not to contact - That is the ?

What Rich said.

Don't even send an e-mail. You know exactly how your wife would take it.
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post #6 of 24 (permalink) Old 04-19-2008, 01:01 AM
 
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Re: To contact or not to contact - That is the ?

*waves hand*This isn't the one you are looking for now move along.
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post #7 of 24 (permalink) Old 04-19-2008, 01:02 AM Thread Starter
 
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Re: To contact or not to contact - That is the ?

I hear you.....

But man, the chances of both of us ending up over here, it's just staggering!
That is what makes it so tempting to make contact...
Just for that "Can you believe it? We're both here!" moment.....

Back into the gray it is.
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post #8 of 24 (permalink) Old 04-19-2008, 06:59 AM
 
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Re: To contact or not to contact - That is the ?

Seriously, there is not a single circumstance I'm aware of where a wife or gf is happy to have their partners ex hanging around, not one. It's a completely unworkable situation.

You're right to wonder what your wife would think. I'd imagine her thought process would be "Not only are you contacting another female from your past, but one that you actually had sex with. Why? What's wrong!?".

Imagine you did contact her, and she wanted to meet up. Would you have to hide that from your wife? If you start hiding things, you're gonna be in a world of hurt if the cover is blown. If you don't hide it and invite the wife along, imagine them both sitting in a room together, how awkward would that be? It's awkward for a reason, and a situation to be avoided at all costs.

I can't see any positive outcome for you from contacting the ex, so I'd keep it as a thought.
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post #9 of 24 (permalink) Old 04-19-2008, 07:20 AM
 
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Re: To contact or not to contact - That is the ?

Boot on the other foot time!!!!! How would you feel if she started searching out ex-boyfriends and getting all misty-eyed and excited about them and how they used to make her feel and maybe she should just "innocently" get in touch

Unless you are the most unique guy on the planet then you would be enraged!!!! So if you truly have ANY feelings for your current girl then forget it immediately!!!

Of course.....on the other hand, take the wife along too and maybe get the pair of them into bed
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post #10 of 24 (permalink) Old 04-19-2008, 09:48 AM
 
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Re: To contact or not to contact - That is the ?

yeah as andy said, open with the words 'I have a proposition to make!'

I cant see it going bad at all!

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post #11 of 24 (permalink) Old 04-19-2008, 10:01 AM
 
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Re: To contact or not to contact - That is the ?

Like Rich and Cosmic said,leave well alone. It's in the past, your wife won't appreciate it.
Anyway what's the point? You couldn't be friends because you're married,you may have nothing in common now anyway,and what if you did get on and start developing feelings for each other,it would just lead to a world of pain for everyone involved
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post #12 of 24 (permalink) Old 04-19-2008, 10:13 AM
 
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Re: To contact or not to contact - That is the ?

I do think it's kinda weird to want to contact your first girlfriend of all people.

Having said that, if there is enough trust in your relationship, shouldn't you be able to talk to whoever you want?

I know of some people who start telling their 'loved ones' what they can and can't do, out of their own insecurities. That's kind of pathetic, imo.

Alwin
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post #13 of 24 (permalink) Old 04-19-2008, 10:28 AM
 
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Re: To contact or not to contact - That is the ?

Unless you're having marital problems and your marriage's in the crapper, I wouldn't do it.

Having said that, if you never really did anything past french kissing with this girl then, why would you even bother?

Just my $.02

Jimmy
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post #14 of 24 (permalink) Old 04-19-2008, 11:15 AM
 
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Red face Re: To contact or not to contact - That is the ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by RAI6 View Post
"Why were you searching for her?"
"Why do you want to see her?"
Why indeed?

How would you feel if your wife contacted her first abstinent love,we'll call him Richard, ("Big Richard" to his friends) and chatted merrily behind your back? Wondering maybe what the sex would have been like, fantasizing about those moonlit walks that never led anywhere because she was too young? Maybe this leads to a phone call and a swap of pictures, I mean after all this is really a harmless matter. She wouldn't do anything...right?

Well it just so happens that Richard will be in town for his company who heads up the legal dept. for Verizon , and he would like to get together for lunch. Just for old times. Richard is an avid tennis and rock climbing fan and could bounce a quarter off his abs 6 feet in the air, he pulls up in his $600,000.00 Koenigsegg CCX automobile, (he bought on a whim after his wife died a year ago and he was trying to find life again) He steps out to greet her like an Adonis from a Greek myth, as their eyes meet she thinks "What the @*&$ am I doing with a guy who likes guitars anyway?"

Now I ask you, would you be okay that she never brought the topic up to you??

One more question does your wife deserve being lied to or deceived, no matter how small or insignificant it may seem to you?
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post #15 of 24 (permalink) Old 04-19-2008, 11:34 AM
 
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Re: To contact or not to contact - That is the ?

No way! this is crazy. even if you weren't married this is pretty creepy to hunt people down.

no good can come from this
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