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post #1 of 19 (permalink) Old 05-13-2009, 10:01 PM Thread Starter
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Health concerns.

I just got back from my doctor and want to share the wisdom of this fine gentleman, so here are the Q and I had with him:

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise.
Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken.
Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable).
And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine,that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even moreof the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one.
If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ..... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil.
In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger.
You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans ! Another vegetable!!!
It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:

'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways -
Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other -
body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and
screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride'


AND.....

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health.


It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION

Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
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post #2 of 19 (permalink) Old 05-13-2009, 10:15 PM
 
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Re: Health concerns.

There's only one thing that's good for you: Breathing in oxygen.

There's only one bad thing for you: Not breathing in oxygen.

Keep breathing in oxygen. Try to prevent anything that disallows you from not breathing it in.
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post #3 of 19 (permalink) Old 05-13-2009, 10:18 PM
 
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Re: Health concerns.

Is this an excuse to quit your workout routine?

It all depends on how you want to live your life - the above is cool and all (if your goal is simply to be able to make it out of bed in the morning) - but if you want to maintain an active lifestyle, you've gotta be smarter about what you eat, and how you exercise.

Personally - I found that once I started to learn to cook - I ate healthier, and food tasted way better - the best of both worlds.
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post #4 of 19 (permalink) Old 05-13-2009, 10:21 PM
 
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Re: Health concerns.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ColinMmmmm View Post
I found that once I started to learn to cook - I ate healthier, and food tasted way better - the best of both worlds.
It really is the best of both worlds, cooking for yourself. You get to actually make something you like, and you can control what goes in it (not on the floor, like most restaurants).
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post #5 of 19 (permalink) Old 05-13-2009, 10:31 PM
 
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Re: Health concerns.

My grandpa at his 85th birthday said "Everyone keeps asking me the secret to living 85 years. I tell them, 'keep breathing.'"
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post #6 of 19 (permalink) Old 05-13-2009, 10:32 PM
 
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Re: Health concerns.

Quote:
Originally Posted by jay ratkowski View Post
My grandpa at his 85th birthday said "Everyone keeps asking me the secret to living 85 years. I tell them, 'keep breathing.'"
That's the truth!
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post #7 of 19 (permalink) Old 05-14-2009, 01:13 AM
 
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Re: Health concerns.

Quote:
Originally Posted by jaxadam View Post
It really is the best of both worlds, cooking for yourself. You get to actually make something you like, and you can control what goes in it (not on the floor, like most restaurants).
Not to mention that there can be a certain Zen-like quality to watching things simmering.

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DON'T (OR CAN'T) COOK! Learn now. It's easy.... start with your favourite dish. Perfect it. Move on to your second favourite dish. Perfect it.

I was going to say carry on ad nauseam, but that's probably not the best choice of words .

Once you've got five varied dishes under your belt (as it were), you have the skills to cook just about anything. Easy, innit?

Cheaper, healthier (depending on how much double cream you use), tastier than fast food, and a little ego booster when you get it right.
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post #8 of 19 (permalink) Old 05-14-2009, 03:59 AM
 
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Re: Health concerns.

I can't believe your doctor would say such untrue things in such a wierd "cool" way. I actually believe you made it all up, or your doctor is a total freak.

I don't know where to start but here it goes.

First of all, this cow/pig/chicken who are the first ones in the chain of eating the vegetables uses most of the vitamins out of it for their own body, but the vitamins don't "store" in their muscles waiting to get eaten by humans, those storing are provitamins but the total amount stored after the slaughter, combined with the total amount still existing after the heat treatment makes a really tiny amount of vitamins compared to what would you get from being the first one in the chain yourself.

Being in shape? So your doctor is actually saying obesity is alright as it's a shape as well. That means that a woman with her vagina resting in her literally hanging underbelly is alright. Or that one can't run 10 meters without gasping for breath is a good enough.

I think there is no need for commenting on the "whales issue" as either your doctor has a mental problem or you just wrote this for fun which is good enough, but not when all of the guys in here actually do believe your doc told you this.
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post #9 of 19 (permalink) Old 05-14-2009, 04:36 AM
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Re: Health concerns.

I guess American jokes don't translate well into Czech.
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post #10 of 19 (permalink) Old 05-14-2009, 05:03 AM
 
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Re: Health concerns.

Everything is good in moderation!!!!
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post #11 of 19 (permalink) Old 05-14-2009, 08:00 AM
 
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Re: Health concerns.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Darin View Post
CONCLUSION

Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
Que?
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post #12 of 19 (permalink) Old 05-14-2009, 08:10 AM
 
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Re: Health concerns.

Lol I take it all back then I guess I didn't get how nobody responded with "lol" or something, thinking that you really mean it.
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post #13 of 19 (permalink) Old 05-14-2009, 09:28 AM
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Re: Health concerns.

'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways -
Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other -
body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride'


I have to say I actually do try and live like this It can all be over at any moment, you never know, so go for it. Also, the correct answer to "Soup or Salad?" is always soup
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post #14 of 19 (permalink) Old 05-14-2009, 09:49 AM
 
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Re: Health concerns.

Quote:
Originally Posted by jim777 View Post
[I] Also, the correct answer to "Soup or Salad?" is always soup
Yep, because everyone know that you don't win friends with salad.
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post #15 of 19 (permalink) Old 05-14-2009, 07:52 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Health concerns.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Canadian Mark View Post
Yep, because everyone know that you don't win friends with salad.
I don't get it.
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