How Do You Tell If The Stage Is Level? - Jemsite
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post #1 of 33 (permalink) Old 12-19-2006, 03:21 PM Thread Starter
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How Do You Tell If The Stage Is Level?

The drummer drools out of both sides of his mouth.

***********************************************

How do you make the singer shut up?

Put sheet music in front of him.

*************************************************
What's the difference between a banjo and a ukulele?

The banjo burns longer.
************************************************** *

How many bluegrass players does it take to change a lightbulb?
NONE- they won't touch anything electric.
************************************************** *

How do you know it's a singer at the door?
He can't find the key, and he doesn't know when to come in.
************************************************** **

What does Eric Clapton and a cup of coffee have in common?
They both suck without Cream.
************************************************** *

What is the range of a Squire Tele?
Depends on how far you can throw it.
************************************************** **

How do you get a drummer off your front porch?
Pay for the pizza.
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What do you say to a rapper in a 3-piece suit?
"Will the defendant please rise"
************************************************** *
What do you call a rapper who dies in a drive-by shooting?
A hit everyone can enjoy.
************************************************** *
What is "Perfect Pitch?
When you lob a banjo into the toliet without hitting the rim.
************************************************** *

What does Neil Young and a vacum have in common?
They both suck when you plug them in.
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What do you call a successful musician?
A guy who's girlfriend has 2 jobs.
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. test?
Drool.
***********************************************
why is a Banjo like a scud missle?
Both are offensive and inaccurate.
**************************************************

What does a drummer use for birth control?
His personality.
********************************************
How do you make a telecaster sound beautiful?
Sell it and buy a DNA.
*************************************************

What's the difference between a drummer and a bag of garbage?
the garbage gets taken out at least once a week.
************************************************** ***

If you drop a bassplayer and a watermelon off the Empire State Building, who hits first?

Who cares?
************************************************** *******
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post #2 of 33 (permalink) Old 12-19-2006, 03:32 PM
 
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Re: How Do You Tell If The Stage Is Level?

GOLD!!!!!
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post #3 of 33 (permalink) Old 12-19-2006, 03:46 PM
 
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Re: How Do You Tell If The Stage Is Level?

What do you call a guitarist who breaks up with his girlfriend ?
Homeless
***********************************************

If you were lost in the woods, who would you trust for directions: an
in-tune tenor sax player, an out of tune tenor sax player, or Santa Claus?
The out of tune tenor sax player. The other two indicate you are hallucinating.

*
How can you tell when a drummer is at your door?
The knocking gets faster

************************************************

How many altos does it take to change a lightbulb?
None; they can't get up that high.

************************************************

Now to laugh at ourselves:

Why bury guitar players 6 feet under?
Because deep down they're all very nice people..

In the 22nd century..how many guitarists will it take to replace a light source?
Five...one to actually change the bulb...and four to moan about how much better the old tubes were.

How do you get a rhythm guitarist to play softer?
Give him music to read.

Whats the difference between a guitar and a tuna fish??
You can tune a guitar but you can't tuna fish... *Ziiiing*

How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?
Twelve. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it better.
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post #4 of 33 (permalink) Old 12-19-2006, 03:49 PM
 
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Re: How Do You Tell If The Stage Is Level?

cried real tears on most of the drummer jokes
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post #5 of 33 (permalink) Old 12-19-2006, 04:13 PM
 
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Re: How Do You Tell If The Stage Is Level?

Quote:
Originally Posted by whatisshredding View Post
cried real tears on most of the drummer jokes
My mate just told me this belter:

A drummer, sick of all the drummer jokes, decides to change his instrument. After some thought, he decides on the accordion. So he goes to the music store and says to the owner, "I'd like to look at the accordions, please." The owner gestures to a shelf in the corner and says "All our accordions are over there." After browsing, the drummer says, "I think I'd like the big red one in the corner." The store owner looks at him and says, "You're a drummer, aren't you?" The drummer, crestfallen, says, "How did you know?" The store owner says, "That `big red accordion' is the radiator."

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post #6 of 33 (permalink) Old 12-19-2006, 04:15 PM
 
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Re: How Do You Tell If The Stage Is Level?

Quote:
What do you call a rapper who dies in a drive-by shooting?
A hit everyone can enjoy.
lol

The one about the tubes was perfect too
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post #7 of 33 (permalink) Old 12-19-2006, 04:55 PM
 
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Re: How Do You Tell If The Stage Is Level?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Onimacaroni View Post
My mate just told me this belter:

A drummer, sick of all the drummer jokes, decides to change his instrument. After some thought, he decides on the accordion. So he goes to the music store and says to the owner, "I'd like to look at the accordions, please." The owner gestures to a shelf in the corner and says "All our accordions are over there." After browsing, the drummer says, "I think I'd like the big red one in the corner." The store owner looks at him and says, "You're a drummer, aren't you?" The drummer, crestfallen, says, "How did you know?" The store owner says, "That `big red accordion' is the radiator."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA !!!!

AWESOME
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post #8 of 33 (permalink) Old 12-19-2006, 05:02 PM
 
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Re: How Do You Tell If The Stage Is Level?

~REASONS WHY GUITARS ARE BETTER THAN WOMEN~

A guitar has a volume knob.
If you break a guitar's G-string, it only costs $. 79 for a new one.
You can unplug a guitar.
If your guitar doesn't make sounds you like, you can retune it.
If your guitar strings are too heavy, you can just get a lighter set.
You can have a guitar professionally adjusted to *your* liking.
|You can go to a guitar shop and play all the guitars you want for free.
You can take lessons on how to play a guitar without feeling embarrassed.
You can rent a guitar without worrying about who rented it before you.
You can get rich playing a guitar, not broke.
A guitar doesn't take half of everything you own when you sell it.

Found those on a musician joke site

I felt pretty guilty laughing at some of those, but...the temptation was too much >.>
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post #9 of 33 (permalink) Old 12-19-2006, 05:06 PM
 
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Re: How Do You Tell If The Stage Is Level?

What does Eric Clapton and a cup of coffee have in common?
They both suck without Cream.

Pure Gold!!
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post #10 of 33 (permalink) Old 12-19-2006, 05:10 PM
 
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Re: How Do You Tell If The Stage Is Level?

Q: You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a guitar player You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
A: You shoot the guitar player. Twice.

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post #11 of 33 (permalink) Old 12-19-2006, 05:11 PM
 
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Re: How Do You Tell If The Stage Is Level?



Regards

André



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post #12 of 33 (permalink) Old 12-19-2006, 05:28 PM
 
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Re: How Do You Tell If The Stage Is Level?

How many lead guitarists does it take to change a lightbulb?

One. He just holds the lightbulb up and suddenly the world revolves around him
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post #13 of 33 (permalink) Old 12-19-2006, 06:09 PM
 
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Re: How Do You Tell If The Stage Is Level?

How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Six - one to do the job, and five to discuss how Steve Gadd would have done it.

How many lead guitarists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Four - one to do the job and the other three to boast they could do it faster.

What do you call a guy who hangs around with musicians?

A drummer........
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post #14 of 33 (permalink) Old 12-19-2006, 06:10 PM
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Re: How Do You Tell If The Stage Is Level?

How many guitar players does it take to cover a SRV song?

Apparently, all of them.
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post #15 of 33 (permalink) Old 12-19-2006, 06:22 PM
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Re: How Do You Tell If The Stage Is Level?

What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?

You only have to punch the beat into the machine once.
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eric clapton , guitar players , guitar shop , music store , neil young

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