Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Victoria - BC, Canada
I am an ass...
Need to rant again a bit, won't take long this time though...
My ex girlfriend came over today. Don't know what she expected though, but she came anyways. She's still recently hung over me. I had came on here before christmas i think or during the new year saying that she was having trouble dealing with us fighting and such small insignificant things. I did the best thing, the suggestion i was given from here, the most logical response and i ended the relationship. She's still hung over. She hates herself for doing what she did. That's not the problem.
I met another girl, and although there are some complicated things between me and this girl, things are starting to pick up. I.E., we made out all night at a party last night. We have some many things in common, yet enough differences to keep us from fighting. Anyways, we didn't talk about it much, but i am hoping that means we are seeing each other now. She came out of a relationship too and she left him because she felt he needed to work on some personal issues. Although, at the same time she was really falling for me i think, and it's probably another reason why she left him. All in all, i really want to be with this girl. She is talented, beautiful, exciting and refreshingly cultured. Nothing will stop me if she is on the same wave lenght as i am.
However, my ex girlfriend is still a friend. And since she found about the new girl, she is really sad. Tonight she cried a good 30 minutes. The real problem in all that is that no matter how much i try, and i feel like a monster for this, i just can't seem to care... She cried and maybe she just needed a shoulder to lie on, meanwhile i could only think of that girl i spent one of the most amazing nights of my life with. Everytime i am with this girl, i start to lose concioussness of my surroundings, time, space - hell everything! And it gets back to this, i don't know what to say to my ex. She cries, she is begging for something and i can't even be human. I just ignore it. It begins to annoy me and then i just want to leave. I could care less. In my head, i feel like she deserves it. After all, she left me over a simple arguement and when i didn't end up kissing her ass, she starts making a fit. She even told me, one of the reasons she wanted us to take a break or whatever it is she suggested was because some friend tried to kiss her and it confused her as she thought she liked him. So **** that. I feel bad, but there's a fire that burns that just makes me indifferent.
Am i that bad or is this simply reciprocal ?