I just don't know anymore... - Jemsite
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post #1 of 147 (permalink) Old 05-04-2007, 04:22 PM Thread Starter
 
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I just don't know anymore...

I don't even know why I'm posting this, but I feel like telling somebody, and it's just nice to get advice from where I can get it...

Anyway, long story short, it appears that I'm getting a divorce. My wife and I have only been married a little over a year, and things have just fallen to shambles. I feel like all the things that made me fall in love with her turned out to be lies. When we got married, I was ready to settle down and have a family. That's not to say that I didn't want to have fun every now and again, but I was ready to be a family man. She told me the same thing.
But, here we are a year later and I seem to be married to a woman that wants to do nothing more that party hard all weekend long. It would seem that I get relegated to the realm of babysitter for her kid (my stepdaughter). Just last night, she said she was going to her mom's to visit with her, and then she would be back. She never came back until 11:00am this morning. She said that it just so happened that there were people partying over at her mom's so she got absolutely smashed and passed out. My stomach was in knot all night long, I got about three hours of sleep. She never answered her phone and she never called to let me know what was going on.
Long story short, this thing happens all the time.
Everytime she's drunk she's trying to do stupid ****. She has been expressing a desire to try kissing girls and flashing her boobs. Basically, she lacks a lot of class. For some of you, you may be alll about it, but for me I expect a girl that has a little more respect for herself and for her husband. Add to all this the fact that she spends all of her time on myspace talking to random people but can never take time out of her life to talk to me. Meanwhile, her daughter also seems to not get any attention.

I guess in the end, we are just two different people. I'm trying very hard to still hold her in high regards in my heart, and just look at it that way. I just think she needs to go out and do the things she wants to do, and maybe after I've had a year or so to just get over it all, maybe I can move on and find that special someone out there that feels the same way I do.
There's obviously a lot more to this whole story, but I gave you the general gist of it. Basically just a mismatch of people who don't see I to I about things.
Anybody else have any thoughts? They would be much appreciated.
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post #2 of 147 (permalink) Old 05-04-2007, 04:39 PM
 
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Re: I just don't know anymore...

Quote:
Originally Posted by sick-boy View Post

I guess in the end, we are just two different people.
Indeed. You are an adult and she still wants to be a child. I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this, but it's better you find out these things about her now and do the right thing than wait for the stakes to get higher (like buying property together or having kids).
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post #3 of 147 (permalink) Old 05-04-2007, 04:40 PM
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Re: I just don't know anymore...

F that, you dont need that sht man. Cut your losses and move on, otherwise your going to drive yourself crazy and eventually things will end, but you will have wasted years of your own life.
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post #4 of 147 (permalink) Old 05-04-2007, 04:45 PM
 
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Re: I just don't know anymore...

Man, it always seems to happen around this time of year, too. Girls, especially in their early 20's, get the party bug around May. I have another friend who's going through the same thing right now.

But like elcid said, it sounds like it will probably end, so get out while you can and save yourself some time and heartache.
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post #5 of 147 (permalink) Old 05-04-2007, 04:46 PM
 
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Re: I just don't know anymore...

Oh Sicky I am sorry to hear my friend. and the reason you posted this here on Jemsite is because it is a family of yours. A family of caring folks We're here for ya bro!!

Ummmm.....sounds better to end it from what you say. You cannot be married to someone who is a mismatch OBVIOUSLY!!

How long did you know her before you married?? I think there should be a few new laws of getting married. Marriage qualifications, lol.

#1 - you must know the person AT Least 3 years (or much longer preferably) It takes a LONG time to get to REALLY know who someone is.

#2 - you must be at least 30 years of age!! I know that sounds harsh, but the 20's are pretty much a wasteland. You have no idea WHO you are in your twenties, and people (ESPECIALLY WOMEN) constantly change. You're just too young bro! Both of ya's!

I never got the whole "gotta be married thing" anyhow. Why not just be boyfriend and girlfriend?? It usually works out much better that way and that "little piece of paper" changes everything I don't understand it, but it does.

You're making the right decisions and you'll be happier for it in the end. NO ONE wants to be ~STUCK~ with the wrong person for a life time.

As far as kissing othe girls and flashing boobs. From what I've seen that just seems to be the way younger women are these days (not all, but most) I think they not only need more to have respect for their (hubby) but for THEMSELVES! I have noticed there is a LOT of lack of self respect these days amongst our female counterparts.

Lol....geeze...I sound like I'm 80 years old prude

I didn't say it isn't fun to watch though But if it was my wife or GF doing the kissing, I'm with you. (I'll probably get flamed for that, lol)

Hang in ther bro. You'll see, it will work out for the better in the end. You're still WAY young and have your whole life to find the "right one" and obvioulsy this one isn't it.

Take advantage of this time to have fun and learn what you REALLY want. Look how much you've already learned!!

Your Jemsite family is here for ya, bro
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post #6 of 147 (permalink) Old 05-04-2007, 04:48 PM
 
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Re: I just don't know anymore...

Hey Buddy. Man I just went through the same thing almost exactly word for word with what you just said. There are words to describe how you feel during those 3:00-4:00am blues. I wish I could tell you what to do but I cant. All I can say is I'm better off divorced from my x. We are still friends, this is a good thing when you live in a small town. Hang in there and keep you head up and amp loud and I promise you will be a better guitar player because of this, so therefore you will WIN!!!
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post #7 of 147 (permalink) Old 05-04-2007, 05:04 PM
 
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Re: I just don't know anymore...

Thats really sad fella.I hate giving relationship advice,but if you're not happy life's too short to suffer.Ive been divorced and come out out of it much happier,so has my ex.Its a big step,but you must do whats right for you.
Take care
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post #8 of 147 (permalink) Old 05-04-2007, 05:14 PM
 
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Angry Re: I just don't know anymore...

Let me start by saying that there are 2 sides to every story but I hear you mate! at hindsight It would seem to me that she is not very commited to the relationship and it is not ok that a wife would neglect her husband and HER kid
I think you need to really to have a serious talk with her to assess the relationship, see if you can find a way to compromise and spend more time together on activities you both enjoy, because the relationship can't be one sided, for example: (I am not trying to excuse her behavior) she might be on my space a lot since you are on Jemsite a lot and she may have the same valid argument that "She does not know who you're talking to" (Even though this site is 98% males ) Also have you tried talking to her about her behavior when you guys are in a party, perhaps if you tell her that what she does makes you feel uncomfortable and MAKES her look bad!!!
It seems she has some issues if she wants to kiss girls and show her boobs and all that! many of us might think that is hot but in reality I think it would be hot only if was a stranger or a girl I picked up at gig but DEFINITELY NOT MY WIFE!!! So you are not wrong to feel the way you do and I give you a lot of credit for not subscribing to the loose conduct club! (It's a very slippery slope) Honestly I don't know what I'd do if my wife pulled a stunt like the one your wife did, not answering the phone, not coming home to sleep...?!? and showing up the next day at 11:00 AM :shock: That is really scary!!! sorry man! but it is the truth, I bet if you were to pull the same stunt she would lock you out of the house!!! Her story about passing out is ridiculous, specially if you don't know who she passed out with!!! sorry again man I know that you don't need to think about more crap but it really annoys me to see what you are going through!!!
In regards to what you said about her making you fall in love with her and then turning out to be this different person well I am afraid to tell you it comes as no surprise! when we are in love many times we refuse to see the person for what they really are, enamoured with our idealistic expectations and the physical apperance we tend to make poor judgement calls and fall victim to the game of love. My advice would be for both of you guys to go to counseling and honestly lay the cards on the table as far as what each one of you expects from the relationship and if either one isn't ready to really commit and be in a normal monogamous relationship then my friend perhaps you should part ways before both end up hurting each other more.
But do not trow the towel without trying it's bad that so many marriages end up in divorce because people don't try hard enough and just move on to other dysfunctional relationships with even more baggage, so try to mend the situation if you can but remember it is a two way street and both of you have to be equally commited 50/50 otherwise it won't work out.
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post #9 of 147 (permalink) Old 05-04-2007, 05:15 PM
 
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Re: I just don't know anymore...

I agree with the others here. The only right decision is to get a divorce, unfortunatly. I'm sorry to hear about your situation, dude.

Alwin
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post #10 of 147 (permalink) Old 05-04-2007, 05:25 PM
 
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Cool Re: I just don't know anymore...

Quote:
Originally Posted by JJEMMER777 View Post
Oh Sicky I am sorry to hear my friend. and the reason you posted this here on Jemsite is because it is a family of yours. A family of caring folks We're here for ya bro!!

Ummmm.....sounds better to end it from what you say. You cannot be married to someone who is a mismatch OBVIOUSLY!!

How long did you know her before you married?? I think there should be a few new laws of getting married. Marriage qualifications, lol.

#1 - you must know the person AT Least 3 years (or much longer preferably) It takes a LONG time to get to REALLY know who someone is.

#2 - you must be at least 30 years of age!! I know that sounds harsh, but the 20's are pretty much a wasteland. You have no idea WHO you are in your twenties, and people (ESPECIALLY WOMEN) constantly change. You're just too young bro! Both of ya's!

I never got the whole "gotta be married thing" anyhow. Why not just be boyfriend and girlfriend?? It usually works out much better that way and that "little piece of paper" changes everything I don't understand it, but it does.

You're making the right decisions and you'll be happier for it in the end. NO ONE wants to be ~STUCK~ with the wrong person for a life time.

As far as kissing othe girls and flashing boobs. From what I've seen that just seems to be the way younger women are these days (not all, but most) I think they not only need more to have respect for their (hubby) but for THEMSELVES! I have noticed there is a LOT of lack of self respect these days amongst our female counterparts.

Lol....geeze...I sound like I'm 80 years old prude

I didn't say it isn't fun to watch though But if it was my wife or GF doing the kissing, I'm with you. (I'll probably get flamed for that, lol)

Hang in ther bro. You'll see, it will work out for the better in the end. You're still WAY young and have your whole life to find the "right one" and obvioulsy this one isn't it.

Take advantage of this time to have fun and learn what you REALLY want. Look how much you've already learned!!

Your Jemsite family is here for ya, bro
I agree with you Jimmy in many points but there are many people (Both man and women) that play a very sly game and often times even though you've dated for years, you still don't know the person quite well until you live with him/her 24/7 then that is when the hidden bad habits/tendencies rear their ugly face! and make you realize "wait a minute this isn't the person I married" Also age doesn't have much to do with behaivioral patterns, I have met many 30,40 and 50 somethings that act and THINK like teenagers and vice versa, so IMO wisdom and prudence is in the individual not in age!!!
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post #11 of 147 (permalink) Old 05-04-2007, 05:51 PM
 
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Re: I just don't know anymore...

Sorry to hear You deserve to be with some-one that will appreciate you for who you are. And if you marry some-one then you have to respect them and she is being completely disrespectful. If you cannot respect some-one then you cannot love them,no matter how much you enjoy f**king them. Unfortunately most people these days see some-one they want to f**k and think they are in love. People need to learn to distinguish between love and sex.

I hope you get things resolved for peace of mind with whatevers best. Whatever that may involve.
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post #12 of 147 (permalink) Old 05-04-2007, 06:07 PM
 
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Re: I just don't know anymore...

Quote:
Originally Posted by andy7jem View Post
Unfortunately most people these days see some-one they want to f**k and think they are in love. People need to learn to distinguish between love and sex.
+ 1.000.000

Alwin
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post #13 of 147 (permalink) Old 05-04-2007, 06:14 PM Thread Starter
 
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Re: I just don't know anymore...

Thanks for all the kind words and support guys. I've had a lot of talks with friends and family to.
Like I said, there is even more going on that I don't have the emotional endurance to talk about, but suffice to say it's pretty much over. I just feel like I've had to fight and fight to keep my family together and in line, and I'm afraid I didn't have the constitution to keep going.

Luckily, I talked to my priest and he said that from the sounds of things it wouldn't be hard to get an annulment. That means I can remarry someday without being excommunicated. So now I just have to try to keep my head up and try to surround myself with family and friends to make it through these upcoming hard times. And I already know it's going to be hard. I went through the same thing when I broke up with my high school sweetheart of 6 years. Except now it's a woman who was my wife, so I thought we had a deeper bond.

It's going to be real hard. But I truly and deeply from the bottom of my heart appreciate your guys' support. Thank you.
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post #14 of 147 (permalink) Old 05-04-2007, 07:56 PM
 
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Re: I just don't know anymore...

I'm sorry to hear about this. It can sometimes be hard these things called relationships, and you don't always end up knowing what you think you have known for so long. I wish you all the best with whatever avenue you take regarding these issues, and for minimal pain in reaching what ever resolution you take. Sounds like you have a decent support network and at least that is something good for you.
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post #15 of 147 (permalink) Old 05-04-2007, 08:00 PM
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Re: I just don't know anymore...

Man, sorry to hear. Hope everything works out and you are o.k. I want to also say this, and please don't think I'm being insensitive, I'm really not trying to be, but it can be cathartic to write music/lyrics during times like these. Vent it out on paper, not people, if you feel like you need to scream or whatever. Just a thought. Good luck, man.
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