I'm so bummed! - Jemsite
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post #1 of 30 (permalink) Old 03-05-2008, 07:53 PM Thread Starter
 
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I'm so bummed!

i just found out my cousin may have a job offer in california. he's there now: didn't know he has been there all week. no one but his wife knows about it. he is in a layoff situation like me. we're like brothers and have been together forever. growing up in separate homes, and apart for the earlier years, it is uncanny how we are so close in friendship and the arts. we jammed a lot, formed a couple bands, recorded. he is an animation artist..toy story type stuff, into photoshop as well, etc. he is also my other photographer who shoots weddings and bands with me. he edits video and photo as well; it's almost as if we're the same person....pc, art and music geeks. weddings are fun since we hang out, grab a starbucks halfway, and continue to shoot. it's not even work...since we're working together. we have been through a lot over these years. we're 35 and 34. both married, with a kid each (mine on the way.) close friends have moved on before but this one would really hit too close to home. so we talked tonight and he asked what he should do. man, i don't know, do what you feel is best, weigh all the options, financially, mentally, trying to sell your home, etc.....but in the end....don't move away...hehe.

job not offered yet but it looks good he thinks. i hope he gets it; he deserves it...then again, to leave your family behind for a job? i just can't do that. it's for Apple, working in their ipod and design division...graphics and animation, etc. they flew him out there last weekend for interviewing, gave him a new laptop, iphone, ipod...enjoy yourself....HEY LOOK WHAT YOU COULD HAVE.....LOOK HOW GREAT WE ARE....etc etc. it is the dream job for him. money is better but cost of living is high of course in CA. he is beside himself and confused. tough call......good luck selling the house as well. it would be a massive hole back here at home with him gone. me and my brother see him as a brother. seems like the older we get the more difficult it is to hold things together!

that's life..........that's what all the people say......

Last edited by shredmaster; 03-05-2008 at 08:30 PM.
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post #2 of 30 (permalink) Old 03-05-2008, 08:09 PM
 
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Re: I'm so bummed!

the distance may be far but you can still jam together with a internet connection.
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post #3 of 30 (permalink) Old 03-05-2008, 08:37 PM
 
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Re: I'm so bummed!

These days you can actually do a lot with an internet connection.
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post #4 of 30 (permalink) Old 03-05-2008, 10:05 PM
 
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Cool Re: I'm so bummed!

It's hard man! my first cousin who I grew up with moved to Houston and even though we get along great the distance does separate people and you WILL MISS him!!! so be honest and let him know how you feel so that he can also factor it in his decision.
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post #5 of 30 (permalink) Old 03-06-2008, 01:02 AM
 
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Re: I'm so bummed!

Obviously no one has entered this thread yet who has never had a buddy be closer than a brother before. Because the subject matter might seem a little...ehh, queer unless you've been there before.

I've got a buddy whom I didnít even know until the end of my JR year of high school. That was about 5-6 years ago now. We weren't even that good of friends in school but after we graduated, through certain circumstances we ended up working together on almost every job we have had since then. We used to build houses in a very cavalier way and putting your life in someone elseís hands on a regular basis tends to help you bond. Alas, he is living in Oregon now with his fiancť and I donít get to see him anymore. The good news is that he is coming back for the summer and is going to move back to Alaska to start a business with me when his fiancť graduates in a couple years.

I can only imagine how you must feel faced with the chance of hardly ever seeing your chum again. BUT on the other hand I think you have got the right thing in mind. If you care for the guy you aught to encourage him to do whatís best for him and his family.
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post #6 of 30 (permalink) Old 03-06-2008, 04:05 AM
 
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Re: I'm so bummed!

Quote:
Originally Posted by JayRobIBZ View Post
Obviously no one has entered this thread yet who has never had a buddy be closer than a brother before. Because the subject matter might seem a little...ehh, queer unless you've been there before.

I've got a buddy whom I didnít even know until the end of my JR year of high school. That was about 5-6 years ago now. We weren't even that good of friends in school but after we graduated, through certain circumstances we ended up working together on almost every job we have had since then. We used to build houses in a very cavalier way and putting your life in someone elseís hands on a regular basis tends to help you bond. Alas, he is living in Oregon now with his fiancť and I donít get to see him anymore. The good news is that he is coming back for the summer and is going to move back to Alaska to start a business with me when his fiancť graduates in a couple years.

I can only imagine how you must feel faced with the chance of hardly ever seeing your chum again. BUT on the other hand I think you have got the right thing in mind. If you care for the guy you aught to encourage him to do whatís best for him and his family.
i have a similar situation. that guy started out as my drummer. he became my best friend. about 4 years ago he got fed up with the city that i still live in, and he just uprooted in about 2 weeks. i stay in contact with him, talk to him about once a month and visit him on his birthday. it's funny how some bands can form lasting bonds, when some rip people apart.


rich
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post #7 of 30 (permalink) Old 03-06-2008, 05:04 AM
 
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Re: I'm so bummed!

My family lives all over the world, and with my sister, brother in law and their kids moving to Australia shortly, we'll have representation on every continent shortly. Difficult to see them, but it makes the odd visit even more worthwhile - and it gives you somewhere to stay free when you travel!

There's always a bright side. Really, you should be happy for them.
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post #8 of 30 (permalink) Old 03-06-2008, 09:21 AM
 
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Re: I'm so bummed!

Kinda sad we've become such a fractured society. The family unit no longer is considered a local community deal. It's now spread out over a region or even further, nationally coast to coast or worse, internationally.

Guess it helps shorten the distance somewhat now that we view our electronic communication age as a necessity as opposed to the luxury it really is.

But even with the internet, web cams, instant cell phone conversations and pics..... none of that replaces a good old fashion hug or hand shake that bonds humans.

Shred.... unfortunately it's just another reality of our changing world. I can tell you as you get older the impact it has will surface and become more apparent. Ahhhh heck.... just think, one day it will be your child leaving home....
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post #9 of 30 (permalink) Old 03-06-2008, 09:25 AM
 
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I played in bands with a guy I met from 92 on and we became real close, getting each other jobs and helping out our respective families. We got in trouble together, grew up together... Worked together for about 10 years straight in one way or another. I just moved in August 07 and it's been hard not having him to confide in and hang with. I'm opening up a rehearsal/recording/teaching studio out here and in 2 months he's moving up here to work with me on it... Close friends are a rare thing. Good luck
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post #10 of 30 (permalink) Old 03-06-2008, 09:34 AM Thread Starter
 
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Re: I'm so bummed!

you guys are right, it's it's unfortunate. he's pretty upset about it but is looking at the money (not too much more $$$) and the co. he would be with. i told him if anyone deserves the job it is him...and good luck...but call if you need to BS about stuff. he would sell his photo gear since he wouldn't be shooting anymore except for around the house, which also bums him out.

jemplayer, you're right. at least we have the communications which are great, but it can't replace the good old hang out and BS sessions. i'm having a bday thing with family on the weekend and they will be there for that. that will sway him. he almost wishes they would take another candidate so he wouldn't have to decide. his wife would have to stay back with the baby while he is paying rent in CA, which makes it more rough. there was a job i may have had a good chance with, but, with lots of travel...paris, london, washington, stuff like that. sounds exciting, and although it would have been great photo ops, i'm not a traveler. my gut instinct said forget it. i would be gone from anywhere between 2 weeks to 3 months at a time straight...no flying home on weekends! plus, i hate flying. with the baby on the way, and limited friends and family time, i need to be around. i would never change my life for a job, but that's me.

Last edited by shredmaster; 03-06-2008 at 09:43 AM.
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post #11 of 30 (permalink) Old 03-06-2008, 04:03 PM
 
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Re: I'm so bummed!

sorry to hear about this bud. I hope you guys will find a way to remain close.

I am currently dealing with a similar situation as your cousin is (I could take a job that would enhance my career & make a lot more money, but I would have to move away from my family and girlfriend of 3 yrs who has 1 more year in college.) It is really tearing me apart, and I cant even imagine how much more difficult it is for him (with a wife & kid and being a homeowner).

anyways, I know how much this sucks and how it's affecting you, and I wish you guys the best of luck making the best decision.
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post #12 of 30 (permalink) Old 03-06-2008, 05:16 PM
 
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Re: I'm so bummed!

Shred.... can't say I've been in quite the same situation. But things will work out one way or another. You guys will figure out a way to accept whatever happens and work on keeping in touch.

On a somewhat similar note though, I did work with another guitar player years ago. Definitely party animals when we were together. Got to be pretty damn good friends. Anyway, long story short.... after a few years we went our separate ways. Not too sure we'd stay in touch though.

Anyway, he now lives in Utah and like me dabbles with his music as a past time. We still stay in touch via e-mail or phone. But we also have friends who are still active in the business on the "geriatric tours". They are from Florida too, so one way or another we keep tabs on what's happening.

Heck, we've tried to arrange vacation time together.... his family and mine. Hasn't happen yet, but I'm sure at some point we'll work out the logistics and it'll happen. We've talked about trailering our scoots to some predetermined point like Austin/San Marcos and then doing a week or two's worth of riding to like the Grand Canyon and the SW.

So that alone is something to look forward to, not to mention it's one more thing/interest (motorcycles) we mutually have in common between couples. That's the tough part.... It ain't just about us two party animals anymore.... we've got wives and families to consider too.
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post #13 of 30 (permalink) Old 03-06-2008, 05:33 PM
 
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Re: I'm so bummed!

If it truly is his dream job then he has to give it a go or he'll forever be wondering what might have been. If he turned it down and hit on hard times at home would he feel a little resentment at you for talking him out of it and how would you then feel knowing you held him back.

It HAS to be his decision to live or fall by, and if you truly are that close then you will always be an important part of each others lives no matter what the distance.

Tough situation but golden opportunities in life don't pop up in front of us very often. Hopefully you can be proud of him if he succeeds and stand by him if he falls. True friendship can survive very tough times.
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post #14 of 30 (permalink) Old 03-06-2008, 06:02 PM
 
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Re: I'm so bummed!

^^^^ +1 Exactly what I was thinking, only you probably said it a hundred times better than I could have. Hang in there Shred.
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post #15 of 30 (permalink) Old 03-06-2008, 10:15 PM Thread Starter
 
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Re: I'm so bummed!

yeah, all great points. i told him he has to make his own decision. i just pointed out the great sides and the bad sides. i think he needed to hear it again from someone else. i just spelled out the pros and cons. one con is his mother / my 2nd cousin, is battling cancer. it's not too bad, thank God, but to leave with those conditions as well...that's just too huge. and, he is her only child. again, i told him there is much to think about. seems like the answer is obvious....if you really wanted to do something in life you really wouldn't think about it right? you just do it.

david m., i am glad i'm not in your situation. you guys have a lot to think about man. i wish you well and i hope the decision isn't too taxing on your mind!

steve
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