What to do? - Jemsite
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post #1 of 26 (permalink) Old 03-20-2013, 07:24 AM Thread Starter
 
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Red face What to do?

I'll try to keep this as short as possible...

My wife has suffered from depression and subsequently been on a large regimen of medication for years and years. She's tried therapy, drinking large amounts of alcohol (which has caused more harm than good), and has gone through suicidal bouts...She has many emotional issues and finds it hard to show emotional love even to her children...

The stress has built a wall between us and we have both been so unhappy, and there is no getting better for us. She has said several times that I should find someone to be with in a physical capacity, but somehow it seems like just something one would say and not really mean...For her however, there is no chance or want of making a connection with another person...

We have 4 children ages 21-14-10-7

I started seeing a lady I work with who is also unhappily married. She has 3 children ages 15-12-9

It is getting hot to the point of no return between us...Neither one of us wants to end our miserable marriages, but I hate not being with her. However, I don't want her to be a step mother to my children, nor do I want to be a step father to hers...And leaving our kids behind is not an option at all.

I know her husband, as she knows my wife, through parties we've thrown and my wife and this other lady are friendly...

The woman I'm seeing has just agreed to do some booking work for my band, so we'll have to be working even closer...

I toured extensively from 89-93, and again from 96-01, and what happens on the road stays on the road...However this is very close to home.

I would love to be happy and I am when I'm together with this other woman...The sex we have and the time we spend hanging out and talking is awesome...I am afraid though that this may drive my wife over the mental edge if she were to find out.

Stopping this is not an option either of us want, so what to do?

Last edited by DEADTUNES666; 03-20-2013 at 07:36 AM.
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post #2 of 26 (permalink) Old 03-20-2013, 10:07 AM
 
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Re: What to do?

Ughh, where is life's EASY button?

Not saying you should not live life to be happy but there are 7 kids involved here which complicates matters.

You should already know the answer though.
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post #3 of 26 (permalink) Old 03-20-2013, 10:16 AM
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Re: What to do?

Quote:
Originally Posted by DEADTUNES666 View Post
I am afraid though that this may drive my wife over the mental edge if she were to find out.

Then I'd suggest the last thing you want to do is talk about it with strangers on the internet. You're just increasing the chances that she finds out in a way you don't want to her, blindsided.
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post #4 of 26 (permalink) Old 03-20-2013, 10:32 AM
 
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Talking Re: What to do?

Ultimately dude, you only get one life and you have to live it for you as much as possible I'm not saying others don't matter, they do, but your life is and should be about you. Not really advice but something to keep in mind. Good luck bro!
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post #5 of 26 (permalink) Old 03-20-2013, 10:54 AM
 
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Re: What to do?

I also don't have advice, but I hope you find a solution to your hurt. Without knowing any details it does sound like a no-brainer and simply get out and run away as far from the situation as possible. Easier said than done though. I have been torn in a similar way, too:

I was in an awful relationship with a woman who was good friends with Michael Jackson back in his heyday. She had all the trappings (which were then accepted) of somebody well entrenched in the business and had all the connections and as a young musician I was hungry to get into the business ASAP. The only thing is that I didn't want to be in a relationship with an alcoholic and drug addict. With easy money came a lot of drugs and the people who sold the stuff.

For a long time, like you, I was torn on what the right thing to do was. On one hand, I had my personal happiness which said get the heck out of the relationship but my music career side said, "It's just a part of the business and if I can't handle one dysfunctional musician girlfriend, how am I going to handle the LA music business?" I am glad that I got out. One pedophile buddy of Michael's (I guess they do confide and hang out with each other) started working in my town causing ruckus and then one of Michael's former celebrity "boy" friends grew up and started a secret relationship with a middle aged woman and he was still a teen. It was basically a mess but nothing outside of the crazy things like that which swirled around Ted Nugent or Steven Tyler.

My final decision to get away from her, her cronies, and her connections was the right thing to do. There were too many other people involved who could get hurt. I brought a budding studio musician friend of mine to her house but then she had an armed dealer there. Nobody got hurt but then again we could have been in the next day's news. The cops didn't want to mess with anything because, well, "don't you know who your girlfriend is?" She could have committed almost any crime and posted any bail easily. Other incidents like that made me realize that innocent people could get hurt and it wasn't just about me. I got out and dodged a bullet and more ways than one. Years later in law school when others found out there can be a different justice for the rich and famous, I had already seen that first hand. I don't know exactly what the definition of evil is, but when you see it there is no mistake!! But even for the strongest and most virtuous of the human race, it can be hard to do the right thing.

In your case you are talking about a lot of children here and you should put them first.

Last edited by 63Blazer; 03-20-2013 at 11:11 AM.
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post #6 of 26 (permalink) Old 03-20-2013, 12:00 PM
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Re: What to do?

Poor kids..........................period.
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post #7 of 26 (permalink) Old 03-20-2013, 07:03 PM
 
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Re: What to do?

Damn... Thats heavy.
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post #8 of 26 (permalink) Old 03-20-2013, 07:49 PM Thread Starter
 
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Red face Re: What to do?

I guess I just needed to get it out there and get it off my chest. This whole thing is as messy and hot as a hot mess gets.
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post #9 of 26 (permalink) Old 03-20-2013, 07:54 PM
 
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Re: What to do?

wow. just ask the wife for an open relationship and hide it from the kids so you can both bang and take care of kids together.

You both must be old geesers so you should be fine just doing your own thing and stay together .
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post #10 of 26 (permalink) Old 03-20-2013, 08:20 PM
 
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Re: What to do?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rich View Post
Then I'd suggest the last thing you want to do is talk about it with strangers on the internet. You're just increasing the chances that she finds out in a way you don't want to her, blindsided.


That was my first though as well. Sound advice for sure.
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post #11 of 26 (permalink) Old 03-20-2013, 09:23 PM Thread Starter
 
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Red face Re: What to do?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rich View Post
Then I'd suggest the last thing you want to do is talk about it with strangers on the internet. You're just increasing the chances that she finds out in a way you don't want to her, blindsided.
Quote:
Originally Posted by maqify View Post
That was my first though as well. Sound advice for sure.
If I thought for a moment this was not a safe haven for me to talk to my guitar forum "friends" about this, I wouldn't have done so...However, I do agree with this. Always better to be safe than sorry...
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post #12 of 26 (permalink) Old 03-20-2013, 09:38 PM
 
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Re: What to do?

Yes i would be worried about personal things like that as once on the Internet-always out there (potentially anyway). Also it wouldn't be that hard to figure out who you are given the info about touring,location etc.
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post #13 of 26 (permalink) Old 03-20-2013, 09:49 PM
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Re: What to do?

All she has to do is Google the candle biz once to see what comes up, which you've posted about plenty here. Find them, click on you, other posts, threads started, and all that's left is the fighting, crying, and lawyers,.
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post #14 of 26 (permalink) Old 03-20-2013, 10:36 PM Thread Starter
 
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Red face Re: What to do?

She knows about this site, and doesn't give a good gosh darn about it.
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post #15 of 26 (permalink) Old 03-20-2013, 10:41 PM
 
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Re: What to do?

You should've man'ed up, and got a divorce, paid your alimony and child support and done things the hard way , the only way that doesn't make you look and sound like a punk.
Too late though..

Thanks for the woe is me story that lets your a$$ sound like you've had no other choice though... somewhat common in this world of " it's not my fault"


What a dumba$$
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