My Jem gives me body odor...among other cool things! - Jemsite
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post #1 of 9 (permalink) Old 06-01-2002, 12:22 PM Thread Starter
 
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My Jem gives me body odor...among other cool things!

*** WARNING *** Don't read this if you get pissed off if someone just looks cross-eyed at your Jem(s).
From the Jackson/Charvel site. Boy those guys are funny - I guess they'd have to be playing those...oh never mind. Anyways, I thought you guys would get a kick outta this. Remember it's all in FUN.

--------------


If you NEED Jem Information and technical advice JEMSITE is the place to be.

They might be a bit misguided(in choosing THAT brand instrument to play) But Rich Harris and his band of merry Jem players will be glad to share the information they have on how they get those things to play and tune right(occasionally).

*The preceeding public service announcement was intended for informational purposes only.The mgmt. and sponsors here do not necessarily endorse,agree,confirm, nor support the use of
Ibanez(Ibeenrobbed,Ibeenhad,Ibeenduped,Ibeenfukked )guitars.
Further in-depth scientific and medical studies have indeed confirmed the relationship of playing Ibanez guitars Definitely leads to the following:
hair growing on palms,Impotence,lack of sexual stamina,premature ejaculation,drooling,body odor,swelling of the colon,dramatic DECREASE in Penis size,lack of Desire for Beautiful Females,dumpster diving,homosexual impulses,bus seat sniffing,watching re-runs of the sitcom "Friends" and dramatic swelling of the testicular sack.

The above unfortunate circumstances can be eliminated by:
Buying ALL the "Death Angel" CDs and Playing USA Jackson Guitars
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post #2 of 9 (permalink) Old 06-01-2002, 03:06 PM
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hehe I guess since Glen is all USA Customs now I inherited all the merry Jem players
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post #3 of 9 (permalink) Old 06-01-2002, 03:23 PM
 
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i plead guilty:
i drool when i see the guitar collections these guys have

.....and watch friends reruns ocassionally!
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post #4 of 9 (permalink) Old 06-01-2002, 05:18 PM
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I protest! I am not a merry man!! lol
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post #5 of 9 (permalink) Old 06-01-2002, 06:31 PM
 
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Re: My Jem gives me body odor...among other cool things!

Quote:
Further in-depth scientific and medical studies have indeed confirmed the relationship of playing Ibanez guitars Definitely leads to the following:

hair growing on palms,Impotence,lack of sexual stamina,premature ejaculation,drooling,body odor,swelling of the colon,dramatic DECREASE in Penis size,lack of Desire for Beautiful Females,dumpster diving,homosexual impulses,bus seat sniffing,watching re-runs of the sitcom "Friends" and dramatic swelling of the testicular sack.
Can you locate the contradicting and redundant terms?
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post #6 of 9 (permalink) Old 06-01-2002, 10:29 PM
 
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Re: My Jem gives me body odor...among other cool things!

Quote:
Originally Posted by elfstones

.....lack of Desire for Beautiful Females.......
My wife can prove otherwise :P If I had such a lack of desire, do you think she would have bought my RG for me?
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post #7 of 9 (permalink) Old 06-02-2002, 06:08 PM
 
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That's it! No wonder I can't keep my nose off the bus seats...
Thanks!
Now lack of sexual stamina...i think its the bus seats...not the ibanez.
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post #8 of 9 (permalink) Old 06-02-2002, 06:12 PM
 
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Rebuttal:

Warning: Playing Charvel/Jackson guitars can cause limp wristedness and the uncontrolable urge to wear pink tutus and leg warmers. In some cases it can also cause brain damage and even walking brain death. In rarer cases it can cause blindness, and insanity - especially when in the presense of superior guitars such as the Ibanez JEM series.

Users have often been observed to exhibit a paranoidal green jealousy like symptom which in turn has been suspected to be connected to the above symptoms. Such subjects tend to be optical appliance wearing geeks who weren't loved by their mothers and/or anyone else on the face of the Earth since the day of conception. It has been observed that they also tend to be hygenically as well as monetarily challenged forcing them to purchase substandard instruments - although symptoms vary slightly on a case to case basis these extreme subjects all exhibit a single symptom which can be very dangerous to anyone of small mind and/or experience with musical instruments - they spend the rest of their pathetic lives in a delusional stupor attempting to convince themselves and anyone equally as pathetic or unfortunate enough to listen that these same substandard instuments are far superior to the aforementioned JEM series.

Suggested treatment: Destroy any and all subjects exhibiting these symptoms on sight before the infection spreads to the innocent civillian population.

Ways to spot said subjects:

a) Place an Ibanez JEM in the center of a room with a small population of random guitar players. Those that foam at the mouth and start spouting nazi-esque Charvel/Jackson propaganda are infected. Eliminate immediately

b) Anyone toting or playing a Charvel/Jackson guitar in public or private who does not exhibit the socially acceptable amount of awe and humility when a Jem player enters the room is infected. Eliminate immediately

Attention! Anyone not playing an Ibanez guitar is not necessarily infected but is a prime target for the enemy - educate immediately to prevent infection.

LJ

P.S. Put that in yer butt and smoke it!
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post #9 of 9 (permalink) Old 06-02-2002, 06:35 PM
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the fun is over... glen

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