One option then, If you find a guitar you like, except for the satin neck, you could get it, then apply copious amount of tsung oil to it, then buff. It's not exactly the same, but close.
One thing you mention you felt the prestige necks "[felt] like the satin necks on those are kind of sluggish and produce a lot of friction". which is kinda strange, most people say the exact same thing about gloss neck. as you said, it could be a matter of them needing to be cleaned. What i would do is just take some fine grade (0000) steel wool to them until it is smooth. satin necks can get dirty, especially since the one you played was at a guitar center, they can get dirtier from *other* people playing them. the oils in everybody's hands is different, and when a lot of people play the same guitar, often with sweaty hands, the result it a stiff neck with a lot of friction thats hard to get around on. If it is a guitar you own and the only person playing, it's only the oils from you hand, so it stays cleaner, and works better.