J-Customs worth the money
You seem to have placed a lot of emphasis on the appearance, and what your ideal guitar would look like. *I have yet to see a J Custom whose appearance would rival the "three ring circus" of a guitar you are describing. *not hacking on you, but your description did sound a bit, uhhhhh, busy.
To hell with what it looks like. *Cosmetics are a plus, but certainly not the end all when shopping for a guitar. *So, unless you know what you're getting yourself into in terms of playability and comfort, there is the first place to start - do you like Ibanez guitars? *Are you familiar with the neck shapes of the J-Customs?*
J Customs are not Soloists, Strats, Les Pauls, Andersons, (insert guitar of your choice,) *nor do they attempt to be one of the aforementioned guitars. *Obviously they work for Kevan but Strats seemed to work for Jimi and Stevie, *Pauls for Perry and Page and the lowly Jem for Steve Vai. *It depends on your taste. *
Quality of construction, price and capabilities are things you should be seeking info on.