I can totally understand your quandry... It is kind of a cool piece of 80's memorabilia. The 80's were all about doing something radical and different and that guitar says it all. Maybe with different colors it would look better with the scallops? Like you mentioned, all gloss black?
You have lots of options though...
-Get another body and save the old one for a conversation piece hanging on the wall.
-Try a repaint or stain w/new pickguard scalloped to match the guitar, so there are not screws in the middle of nowhere.
-Sand the scallops down for a nice JS
style rounded body and trim a pickguard to match.
-??? Whatever you want to do!
The stuff I used on mine was very easy to use. I sanded down the body for about 580 hours, as it had the thickest hardest white coating, presumably made of titanium impregnated with diamond dust... normally used to protect spacecraft upon re-entry. Progressively got finer sandpaper until very smooth, then used a tacky rag made for removing sawdust (can't remember what they call it), then rubbed on the stain. The stain was Minwax "Wood-Sheen" Rubbing Oil Stain and Finish... in Rosewood color (I still have half of it left in the bottle). I did everything but the fretboard, since it was already rosewood... lol. I don't know if they make that product anymore or if it has a new name.
It looks ok, all in all... but the chunk of wood (unknown) was not the prettiest piece. It is two pieces glued together, not in the middle, but the line runs along the bottom of the bridge to the bottom of the neck pocket. There was also a small spot of filler just above the pickguard screw nearest the top of the neck joint... almost like someone drilled the screw hole in the wrong place and had to fill it. The reason I mention these things is because you never know what lies under that paint... might be good or might be bad. My logical man-mind says that they probably used the pretty pieces of wood for finishes that show the grain and they painted the pieced-together bodies or ones that have any filler.
There are some neat bodies out there that fit that neck... http://www.ebay.com/itm/unfinished-r...item23450bf807