Ibanez JEM Forum banner
1 - 11 of 11 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
84 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Finally - the truth about diets and health. Have fun! :grin:

Greetings,
Carsten


GUIDE TO HEALTH
A question and answer session

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life.
Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's
it... don't waste
them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding
up your heart
will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can
extend the life
of
your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
____________________________________
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow
eat? Hay and
corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing
more than an
efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system.
Need grain?
Eat
chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green
leafy vegetable).
And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily
allowance of
vegetable products.
____________________________________
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is
distilled wine, that
means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get
even more of the
goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
____________________________________
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have body fat, your ratio
is one to
one.
If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
____________________________________
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a
regular exercise
program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No
Pain...Good
____________________________________
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!. Foods are fried these days in
vegetable oil. In
fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more
vegetables be bad for
you?
____________________________________
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the
middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets
bigger. You should
only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
____________________________________
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO . Cocoa beans ... another
vegetable!!! It's the
best
feel-good food around!
____________________________________
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
___________________________________
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
___________________________________
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may
have had about
food and diets. And remember:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention
of arriving
safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in
sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - strawberries in the other - body
thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming - WOO HOO! What a
Ride!"
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
84 Posts
Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Glad you liked it!

My favorite is "If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me."

Today I could apply this one when a female coworker asked about how to improve her fitness.

Judging from her figure, I would say she has started swimming quite some time ago :grin:

Of course, only joking. I´m not exactly a beach fashion model either :mrgreen:
 
1 - 11 of 11 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top